Compensation: How hard is too hard

It’s two minutes past ten o’clock as I begin this post. I am in the modest company of mosquitoes and my neighbor’s endless chatter coupled with dogs barking, a donkey braying somewhere…(yes, there are donkeys here) and the never ending desire for a cold shower.

I started writing a few lines of my book and stopped. So, I took to reading right after my morning work meeting and by lunch time I’d read these three books:

We Own the Sky (The Muse Chronicles #1) Hurry Up, We're Dreaming (The Muse Chronicles, #2)

It doesn’t help that a part of me feels compelled to actually sit down and finish writing the book I’ve been working on since last year. Every time I say to myself that I’ll get some work done, I barely make it past a sentence and I’m constantly reading more books by other authors than working on mine.

As I was getting a cup of coffee tonight, my mind went to the thought of overcompensation and I couldn’t help but ask am I overcompensating? Am I reading more books now to cover up for the fact that I am unable to advance my manuscript? If so, what am I doing and why is it taking me this long to make headway in my writing? Why this particular book?

See, In psychology, compensation is referred to as a strategy whereby one covers up, consciously or unconsciously, weaknesses, frustrations, desires, or feelings of inadequacy or incompetence in one life area through the gratification or (drive towards) excellence in another area. [ Got that simple description here]

It doesn’t help that the first two books I read were about Muses and the last one about a former MMA fighter with ADHD.

Since then I have been asking myself am I trying to hard or not? If so, how hard is too hard?

I’ve taken walks, evening strolls to be precise and switched up my playlist and even sat down in different locations to try and make some headway with this manuscript but nothing’s making sense at the moment. My frustration hasn’t started showing and my concern lies in the fact that if it does, it’d make me one cranky team member at work and that could potentially affect my work, so I am at odds with this feeling of stagnation.

The worst part is that my Mentor advised that  shelve it and then come to it later on when I want, but I am not willing to do that. I’d get snippets of ideas at work or while walking to work and jot it all down, but when I power up my laptop and click ‘open’ on the book, then it all disappears, like it was never there in the first place!

So, my question still lingers at the back of my mind, am I trying too hard with this? If so, how hard is too hard?


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