How I learned about Situational Ethics

March is here and I just want to say:

person holding hello decor

So, I am at the office and it seems like Fridays here are the laid back work days and I’m the opposite. Monday is my favorite day of the week and Friday is the day I dread the most because people switch into weekend mood Thursday after lunch and that means very little gets done.

So, I was seated and a guy I’ve known for a while, sends me a text “Hi, look I am sorry,” and in typical Pisces fashion, I do not respond, not even when he calls or texts again and at this point I am losing my sanity because I am using my phone as a hotspot and every time he calls he interferes with the internet connection! Were we always like this? No. What did he do? Or rather what led to this?

It’s a Friday y’all, sit down, grab a drink (non-alcoholic if you’re at work) sit back and read on.

We’ve been friends for close to a year and he’d often call in to check up on work, my writing and generally how I was doing. So, he decides (this is some time back) to invite me over to his place via text “hey, come have supper at my place.” I answer “yes” because he’s making supper and that means I get to eat and not have to do dishes. He’s made supper and I eat up and then, I’m like, “I’ve got to go.”

He fidgets and says “why should you go? Why don’t you stay over? It’s late.”

I answer “No, I’ll get an Uber and go back home. Thanks for supper.” At this point he’s frustrated and decides to say how he’s got a soft spot for me and has always hoped that we’d be more than friends and I nod as he talks and then put my bag down and sit directly opposite him. I pull out my phone, check out any available cabs around his place and then put the phone down. A guy walks in, says hello, bumps fists with him and walks to another part of his house.

I ask, “who is he?”

“He’s my friend. We stay in this place with him and my bro.”

“How many rooms are here?”

“Two bedrooms and they share the other room. I’ve got my own room and all.” So I tell him I’d like to use the bathroom. He shows me where it is and while there I see Pink lotion, remnants of combed weave on a hairbrush that’s lying in the sink. There is a string running across the top of the bathroom tied to the shower that displays not one but three female panties and I smile.

When I return, he’s locked the door and says “so are you spending the night?”

I look at him and say “No, I’ll get an Uber.”

He shakes his head and says “look, I’m being vulnerable here and telling you how I feel and you are not doing anything to at least listen or open up to me.” I ask him to sit down and make sure that my pen is in my hand, in case he tries something- I could John Wick him! At this point I am scared and also angry and I realize that I am on the verge of losing my cool when he tries to kiss me. So, I push him and tell him, “You want a one night stand. You want someone to sleep with and wake up having had as many rounds as you wish and then go back to seeking something else.”

“No, I love you.”

“No, you love the idea of getting with me and it’s temporary, but here’s the thing, I can choose to let you treat me like that or I can walk away and let you continue searching for some quick lay. I’ll get an Uber and go home and you will not call, text or even try this on me.”

“Hey, but you ate what I made you?”

“Yes, if you are charging for that, I’ll pay you standard hotel rates, how much for the meal?”

“No, look…listen…”

“Good night.” I remember rushing to the door and walking out (thank heavens I was in Ngomas and all I had to do was slip in my feet and start walking). I stepped out of his place at 10pm, walked to the nearest mall, had late night coffee as I waited for an Uber and then got home. What made me remember this encounter is the fact that as I told a couple of my friends about it, the guys laughed and said “that guy had the worst night of his life” and then added that “the end justified the means.”

At that point, I could not utter much because I simmer. Yes, my anger is slow to rise to the surface but what I felt was like I had little value, for how much does good conversation cost? How much does committing to knowing a person cost? How much does it cost to emotionally invest in connecting with someone? And aren’t I worth that?

Situational ethics or situation ethics takes into account the particular context of an act when evaluating it ethically, rather than judging it according to absolute moral standards

It’s been over three months since the incident and he did keep off until he started sending streams of texts apologizing. Do you remember me telling you that I simmer? Yes, and here’s the other thing, I do not forgive easily. It’s my burden and often it seems like it should weigh me down, but it doesn’t because I write people off. Here’s the deal; he was a friend, he showed me what he thinks of me and I’m done. He’ll make better friends, he could certainly do without me- and I’m hoping he does.

I’ve learned that people never forget how you make them feel and I most certainly read up on Situational Ethics on Campus to know that there’s some crazy stuff right there….

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