5 Things I had to Unlearn

A friend sent me a list of questions on personal development and the very first one was “What are 5 things you have had to unlearn?”

Accepting everyone’s expectations of the course of my life. This would often be phrased with questions like ‘aren’t you supposed to be married by now?’ or ‘shouldn’t you be driving a car or having kids?’
Going out of my way to please people. In my line of work when I engage with communities and the government, this often comes in form of trying to get people to work together in peace- and I realized that there is a fine line between cooperation and extreme compromise- and often I would go out of my way to make things right at the cost of my health and well-being.
Being obsessed with body image. Yes, the number of times I have taken up workouts just to sculpt my body into what I think is desirable and then failing or being demotivated two days in- are more than I could count the strands on my hair.
Answering calls 24/7. This is exhausting! So, I made sure to let everyone I engage with that I wouldn’t accept phone calls or respond to work calls and emails past 7:30pm, this way I have more time to reflect on the events of the day, prepare for the next day and get rest. Besides I love going to bed very early.
Trying to offer solutions to people’s problems. Yes, this I learned the hard way because I had a friend whom I would advise and she would do the exact opposite until one day I asked her why she shares her problems with me and she said, ‘because you listen and it’s good to just talk to you about them,’ and since then I learned that it is possible to listen to problems without offering a solution.