Call me Catherine. I’m your husband’s mistress. You probably know about me or are aware that there is someone like me lurking around your husband, taking his attention, affection and money. Yes, I am.

Do not hate me because I can do that much for you.

What I want is that you listen carefully to what I am about to tell you. This may take a while but if there is anything mistresses have is the audacity to speak up because we already know what crime we commit and who our accomplices are.

The one thing no one tells you about being a mistress is that you are an option. You are easier to make and cancel plans with. You know you always come second to whatever the man wishes because you came into his life after some sort of stability. You learn how to appear and disappear and it makes for such comic relief when your emotions are not involved.

This is why I turned down his proposal. I am content with being an option because now I know that he too has always been an option. However, times are hard and I know your eldest son just sat his KCSE exams and you are all waiting for that portal to open up so he can select some tertiary institutions. It must be hard trying to attend to everyone in such times, which is why I am interested in you- see, there are days when I have been right before you but you’ve never known how or why, and in a world of acquaintances I learned pretty early to make friends with those who may hurl stones at me.

You could put a bullet through my brain and I would gladly accept it, because there is something about you that even your husband does not know, but I do.