I say it again “Presence,” and not just physical presence, I am talking about emotional, spiritual, psychological…to the extent that through silence, I know they are fully there.
I feel like as we delve more and more into apps, text messages and chats-we are losing sight of what it means to be humanly connected to each other. To have conversations on the bus, train, to eat while facing each other and having conversation, to hold hands while walking, to walk side by side.
To say that I have no challenges is to lie, but to compile and list these challenges is something I have never done.
If something comes in my way and I overcome it, it’s gone from my mind. And I think this is what has kept me going, knowing that no matter what I experience, there is always another day, another time, a better season…somehow time goes on.
It’s December 30th as I write this. I have been reading posts about other people’s experiences as they wrap up the year 2023, and it is true that this year has been challenging, hard, painful, exhausting, blissful, hopeful, great- for a variety of people.
It is amazing that we each have different experiences that we look back on and share with the world.
On reading: Finally managed to update my Netgalley reads, got more hoping they’d reflect on Goodreads- I read 183 books this year.
I also got to read two amazing books by Pierce Brown: Morning Star and Iron Gold and Darrow/Reaper the lead character-reminded me of what it means to fight for something and what it means to lose in the face of war.
On work and aspirations: Sometime this year, I applied for a scholarship for an International Masters Program, made it through to the second round and while seeking references- I couldn’t get a hold of my Professors as over the past decade some had passed away and this hurt me. At the time, all I could think of was how much I wanted this, and how much I spent on the language tests only to be told I couldn’t make it because my academic references fell short of their expectations. Later on, when I thought about it, I was glad that I gave it my all.
This year I learned that I can always learn something new, try learning about systems, programs and how to interact with people- and I can’t wait to grow in this.
On writing: I have been writing and re-writing a book this year. I finally had some time to sit and align my thoughts, and I can say that a new notebook just became very useful.
On life and other stories: I spent more time with family this year. I am glad that through my darkest times, whenever it felt too dark to see or move, they always were there-waiting for me, watching out for me and wishing me well.
I got to buy things I wanted, visit places I found amazing, indulge in food and all these experiences added onto my wrap up. The greatest lesson for me has been that ‘it shall pass,’ nothing lasts forever- it may if you continue to think about it, but even then your memory is never reality.
I used to say that “politics is not my thing,” because my experience with politics and thereafter elections has always been violence, waiting out to see when there’ll be a ceasefire, losing friends, neighbors and colleagues in riots and fights with the police.
So, if you asked me this in 2007, I would look away and let you run your mouth.
If you asked me this in 2013, I would do the same-and in 2016, 2017 and some time in 2018.
After 2018, I learned that though I may choose not to speak my mind concerning politics and its affairs, I am still affected by the decisions it influences-and sometimes, when you say it’s ‘none of my business,’ or ‘it’s not my thing,’ it clearly is your thing and your business- you just aren’t ready to deal with or face the consequences of sharing an opinion.
It is okay to take a break, to breathe, reflect and take time to figure things out.
You cannot live your life like everyone else.
Take it easy.
On my bucket list- there are three cities that I would absolutely love to visit and they are in this order:
2. Dakar
3. Morocco
Yes.
If you drive from Nakuru, Gilgil and along Naivasha just by the road-you’re bound to spot baboons, zebras, antelopes- a reminder that we do have wild animals in Kenya.
So, here are some shots I took while driving from Arusha to Loliondo through the Serengeti.
Here’s what I know now that I am good at:
The way I talk to myself…when I tell myself that I am less than because of what I see and hear.
The way I let myself down when I choose to go against what I feel.
Echoes of chaos and silence, in the little things I tell myself when I compare myself to others, when I have to listen to other people’s perception of me, in a world of opinions, every day is a struggle to silence the noise.
Of late, I can’t seem to gauge where my preference lies, I find myself staying up past 11pm and waking up at 6am like clockwork but not getting out of bed until 7am.
So, day and night…morning and night?
I don’t know. I am grateful that I experience both.
nilichoandika 