I stumbled upon Koya Nkurumah’s post on “Are your friendships evolving?” yesterday evening and as I read it, I found myself gaining new perspective on friendship and what it means to say ‘I have a friend,’ or ‘I am a friend,’ at such a time.

This also ties to the Kdrama that had my attention since late February and ended on April 9th- called Divorce Attorney Shin and more because of the friendship among three middle aged men- each having suffered a loss, and struggling to come to terms to moments and relationships in their lives where they feel they failed-and all through the series, it was three men coming together to eat, drink, check in on one another-even go camping.

So, Koya’s post got me asking myself, what kind of friend am I?

It also got me thinking of the friends I had growing up, of the memories that I gained from shared experiences from primary, through to secondary school to the university and what of work? Do I have and did I have friends at work too?

So, in a nutshell…I have colleagues at work- and yes, some do qualify as friends, however- it’s also built on the understanding that a majority of our time spent together is limited to job descriptions and fulfilling them.

1. Like any relationship, friendships evolve- and it’s alright if some come to an end too. You are not the same person every second of your life, and though your values may stay true for a long time, your perceptions and opinions do not-and as such, it’s alright if a friendship comes to an end.
2. Time. There are friends I had when I was twelve, sixteen, and even in my twenties whom I wish well and get a sense of joy when they connect on social media or I happen to run into them- and that’s it. Why? They’ve grown so much, made decisions, taken different paths and I celebrate that without wanting to take them back to when I knew them or my memory of who they were.
3. Consistent communication is key. There is the aspect of communication where it is easier for a friendship to stagnate when calls go unanswered, texts go without responses and over time you find yourself saying there’s no need to constantly be the one who reaches out and gets no response- Now this is one I struggle with, because personally-it feels like a fine line between resentment and wanting to cut off someone.
4. Seasons, people, places and perspectives change. If the sun shines during the day, and the moon lights up the sky at night who are you to expect someone to be constant and live up to your expectations all through your life? Like seasons, our perspectives change- and our experiences lead us along different paths and this affects who we let into our personal space and when.

Finally, the only constant person in your life is you, and as everything around you is bound to evolve, so are you-the only thing that should hold true is how you treat yourself. Love, cherish, and treat yourself-because you carry that into any experience, situation or relationship.