Here’s what I know now that I am good at:
The way I talk to myself…when I tell myself that I am less than because of what I see and hear.
The way I let myself down when I choose to go against what I feel.
Echoes of chaos and silence, in the little things I tell myself when I compare myself to others, when I have to listen to other people’s perception of me, in a world of opinions, every day is a struggle to silence the noise.
Of late, I can’t seem to gauge where my preference lies, I find myself staying up past 11pm and waking up at 6am like clockwork but not getting out of bed until 7am.
So, day and night…morning and night?
I don’t know. I am grateful that I experience both.
It’s the second last day of November 2023- and I am drinking my second cup of coffee of the day seated on the floor as I write this. It is twenty seven minutes past two in the afternoon.
On reading: I am currently at 143 of 183 books as per my #GoodreadsChallenge for this year- and as I hope some of the titles I’d read on Netgalley would be uploaded, I added a few more.
I recently bought Morning Star by Pierce Brown and I love me a good fight, so it’s got my attention for now.
On writing: I haven’t gone past 10,000 words while participating in NanoWrimo. I was looking forward to it and a whole lot of events happened that I had to prioritize my time and well being and commit to family and work-so now that I think about it, I am not disappointed in myself. The people I love and who have shown they care for me, are well and that is more than I can wish for in this season.
However, this did not stop me from stocking up on stationery.
I also stumbled upon a very encouraging post from Joshua Idegbere, have a read: here
I am currently reading Prepare for Impact by Chad & Ryan Estis.
The day I discovered the beauty of highlighting text, of writing using colored pens other than the normal blue and black…oh, and stick notes and page markers…
Everything from my project notes to journal is colorful.
I want to talk about the things that keep me awake at night,
But now that I say it out loud, they seem so trivial,
Like the thought of you,
The taste of strawberry yoghurt,
the first sip of a well served latte,
the first forkful of chocolate fudge cake,
buying notebooks, beautiful pens, highlighters, while listening to my playlist on spotify,
being in my Mom’s presence, the lunch dates, when we sit down to watch four hours of Afro-cinema…
being in my Sisters presence, her family, her children and laughing at memes and memories of our childhood….
I want to speak of the things that keep me awake at night, but whenever I open my mouth to shout, I only sing of the good, and once I start I cannot stop.
We are coming to the end of this month and now I am preparing for the National Novel Writing Month (NanoWrimo) taking place in November.
On reading: I have some four titles in my Netgalley shelf that I am looking forward to reading because they promise insights on topics that I am interested in.
On writing: Well, aside from participating in the WordPress Daily Prompts- I am journaling more often and taking a step back from duties or tasks at work that don’t seem to build onto my goal of who I’d like to be. Setting up a writing schedule is #goals, but I haven’t committed to it.
On life: Have you watched Doona on Netflix? I am still on my kdrama space, and loved watching Doona.
If there is one thing I realized this month, it’s that I have a wonderful family and these people would give their all to see me win, to see me smile and thrive- and that alone has me grateful for this year, for everything I have experienced.
And just like that, I am reminded of the times I have been on the edge of a cliff, giving up in my mind and my body follows while my spirit remains torn…what am I most proud of in my life?
Staying alive.
Waking up every day, one step at a time, one decision after another, and finding bliss in the small things, like making it past an hour, and another, until dusk.
nilichoandika 