And so the wise one said, “words get forgotten, if you don’t use them, they eventually die.”
So, if you love them- tell them.
If you are tired, say it.
If you are scared, say it.
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Tiffany Freeman took this: http://www.pexels.com -
We are barely a week away from July and this month, like the first five before it have come and gone by so fast that I feel I’ve barely achieved much. I was going through my writing archives and working on short stories, writing again and reading more- that the past two weeks have been very fulfilling for me.
I’m at the point where close friends are bold enough to ask me to my face, “when is your next book coming out?” I am also at the point where I look forward to answering that question without grinding my teeth. So, here’s the truth- I finished writing a book in April, but I am not satisfied with it, it does not feel like it is from me, so I haven’t shared or published it and for two months, I drowned myself in doubt in wondering whether I would write again. It was easier to post here that I am writing or working on a book, than to say, I had written something but it fell short of my expectations.
So, for the first time since I started writing, these past two weeks I grieved. I finally understood what it means to invest time in creating something and then not loving or seeing it when it’s done…and that hurt me more than I let on.
I was reading Grief and Renewal: Finding Beauty and Balance in Loss by Miguel Ruiz and Barbara Emrys and he shares something that enabled me to finally come to terms with this, he says “be patient as you learn to be more aware.”
So, did I write a book? Yes.
Am I proud of how it turned out? No.
Does that hurt? Yes. I wrote this book for eight months and it feels like I failed.
Does that mean that I won’t write again? No. Actually I am writing now that I have accepted that I can do better, share something else with the world.
I am looking forward to going through my recent book haul- as I keep at it, strengthening my writing schedule. Until then, live, love, laugh…be kind to yourself.
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I saw this,
And it reminded me of a feeling,
Nothing grand, just calm…
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I write book reviews through my feelings, and this is one way of admitting that I rarely go step by step exploring genre, themes, context, characters and places in my reviews. Instead I write about what I felt, related to, was intrigued by and since I haven’t been writing, reading books has become my solace.
I collect phrases, character descriptions, statements, places like I am collecting points. The result is an endless collection of notebooks which chronicle a journey of where I’ve been for the past year.
My latest trip is from Alan Furst’s Kingdom of Shadows. The story follows Nicolas Morath, a former Hungarian Calvary officer, and his escapades ranging from his assignments in Vienna, and the favor he did for his Uncle, Count Polanyi. He trades in conspiracy, and in his field, with his expertise, he knows not to take everything as it seems, especially not with Hitler edging Germany and other countries in Europe towards war.
In keeping with my collection, from this book I add two phrases to my notebook-and will say that it’s definitely worth those high reviews it’s gotten because this is espionage smoothly glossed over you cannot help but wonder who is wrong, who is right and the number of passports and identities Morath took on in his assignments.
“It had a life of its own, the war, like an immense rumor that wound its way through the newspapers, the cafes and markets. But somehow, in Polanyi’s voice, it was fact, and Morath, for the first time, believed it.”
“It was thunder that kept him awake, from a storm that never rained, yet never moved away.”
I hope your week goes well and I am still making my way back to writing, when I make it to the end, maybe there’ll be a book worth shouting to the world about.
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We still have two days to the end of this month, but since I’m here I can’t just up and leave and wait for June to come bearing her awesomeness without sharing some key updates from May.
Reading: I got to read some books on Netgalley this month, and can’t wait to catch up on more books because I have exams in July and that would make the end of June a bit hectic for me to get anything done. So thus far, 45 down…138 to go!
I am currently loving Where the Waters Meet by Zhang Ling.
People: May is my Mom’s birthday month and she’s a straight up Gemini, so getting to sit down to lunch with her and have a laugh made this month awesome.
Work: A lot has happened and I am gearing up for an intensive June because there is room for new projects, new ideas and new direction in the way we work and it is exciting.
Entertainment: Look, this month there was no way I could go by without watching some K-Drama and top of that list has been these two that are soon coming to an end. There is Dr. Cha and The Good Bad Mother (which is described as comedy drama but there’s more heartbreak and pain and thirst for vengeance than there is laugh out loud moments)
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This is the title of the last episode of Hi, Bye Mama! a k-drama that I finished watching yesterday-and it’s about this woman, Cha Yuri who gets a second a chance to be with the people she loves, after being a ghost for 5 years.
As I was watching that final episode, I couldn’t help but go back on the title and it’s truly interesting how a flower may indeed lose its petals, they may fall off, wither or get clipped, but that doesn’t take away the fact that it is a flower. How many times have we fallen short and declared ourselves unworthy?
How many times do I as a Writer beat myself up for not writing anything? Or feeling that I failed at work when something did not go as planned? And just that phrase alone, petals fall but the flower remains- was enough to remind me to be gentle and kind to myself when things do not go as I planned.
This coming week, I want to carry this with me as I go about working on things I yearned for.
Have a great week ahead.
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You come to me like the wind,
soft, harsh, cool, tender, chilled.
You come to me unhinged,
reckless, sensual, cheerful, unbothered.
You come to me in a bind,
tormented, sick, weary, blind.
You come to me,
It’s always you who comes…and you never ask why, how, when or where.
You find me in my dreams, across the street, unbound.
You find me in the shadows, across the hills, bound.
You come to me like the wind,
How is it then that I haven’t learned that I can’t keep what’s free?
Image courtesy of Pexels.com: Kubra Dogu -
It’s a Sunday and I woke up at six in the morning per usual and there was a blackout. My morning class was cancelled and for once I wanted to scream about the hours spent preparing for this class and the desire to go curl into bed and sleep..
Since I was up, I found myself downloading Season 2 of Alchemy of Souls on Netflix-because I was in the mood for some sword fighting courtesy of Jang Uk- again! But, along the way and on my second cup of coffee-I truly wanted to post some life lessons that I have been reflecting upon. This is because yesterday morning, right before class, I finished reading The Owner’s Manual to Life (In case you missed that day in school when they handed it out) by Michael Zajaczkowski. He shares one hundred life lessons and if you’ve gone through life, you may have heard some of them- so you’ll feel some sense of familiarity with it.
So, some of the lessons that I am now reflecting upon are :
- Focus on the twenty four hours ahead of you.
- One sure way to conquer fear; make a decision and take an action.
- The way to make a mountain out of a molehill is to add dirt.
- When I feed the problem, it grows; when I feed the solution, it grows.
- You are never too old to start something new
My absolute life lesson that got me appreciating how far I’ve come, as a person, with my relationships and work was:
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It’s difficult to ask for most things in life and I am in the field or business of asking- with every proposal I write, I know I am asking for something and hoping for everything. So adding this book to my Netgalley shelf was a definite yes-because I want to ask better questions, build relationships and get things done.
The three rules of asking: be prepared, be personal, be present.
There is a quiz on knowing which kind of person are you when asking and it’s easy statements to help you know what you lean towards the most and yours truly landed on “The Empathizer,” which means that when I ask, I internalize what I would think and feel if I were asked the same thing.
Laura Fredricks with a background in Law and Philanthropy shares her 5 laws of asking which are insightful. I will share the very first rule and look forward to you reading about the next four in detail in the book.
1.Know exactly what you want, with numbers and dates.
The number of times I’ve heard this at work, was enough for me to nod as I read because there is a huge difference in being very specific with data to back up any request or information and this ties in a lot with storytelling which is a key aspect in communication in my field of interest.
As she shares the five laws, Laura, encourages the reader to use them for daily asks and to also remember to reward yourself just for asking instead of focusing so much energy on getting a ‘yes,’ response.
For example:
What you need: To be heard
Not an ask: “I feel like every time I speak up, no one listens or understands what I am talking about.”
An ask: “I am about to share my top two ideas on this topic, I would appreciate it if you would let me know what you think about my two ideas right after I speak. Your feedback is invaluable.”
Some key take-aways from the book are:
(a). Every ask should be two sentences and one question: this will help you avoid over-asking or making it too confusing for the person to make a decision.
(b). When you ask for personal help, recognize, acknowledge and empathize with the person you are asking and explain why you need their help.
(c). Knowing some essential facts about the person or organization you are asking matters a lot, because it would determine what frame of mind or season of alignment they are in relation to what you need.
Above all, I found this book very easy to read-I started it last night and was done by this morning-pausing to take notes and revising some of my own questions. It is the kind of book that I would recommend in one’s quest to improve how they ask and the type of questions they ask.
Figure out what type of Asker you are on the author’s page: here
Get the book: on Amazon today
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I have been reading and highlighting sections and phrases from the book that’s come all the way from Kenya to Arusha with me, and it’s Brianna Wiest’s “When You’re Ready, This is How You Heal.“
This is a book that provides insights into healing, growth and it felt more like a way of approaching life experiences without regrets or disappointments, so you know I highlighted many phrases and some of those that I want to truly work on include the following-as taken directly from the book:
- Start saying, “Thank you” for what you want as though it has already happened.
- The only story that is ever going to matter is the one you tell yourself.
- You do not need a lot of people to believe in your ability.
- What nobody tells you is that it’s the attachment that hurts. It’s the expectation of what it should be or would be and by when.
- The experiences we can’t release often still hold within them a lesson that has yet to be extracted.
- You will have to start where you are.
- Stop waiting for perfect circumstances.
- A life of more is not one that always expands outward, it’s very often one that opens up inward.
- The circumstances that existed when the relationship began can tell you so much about the relationship itself.
- Heartbreak doesn’t happen with people who are wholly wrong for you. It happens with people who are just right enough to make you hope, but just wrong enough to prevent you from getting closer, or making it official.
nilichoandika 