You know that glow at dawn?
That burst of abundance, of endless light, unlimited possibilities, of maybes and please,
That first kiss of life?
Yes, that one,
You know that glow?
I want that.
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There are things I tell myself,
things that surprise me when uttered out loud,
So I speak them into the void,
The ones I love I repeat,
a melody unseen yet often sung,
The ones I loathe, I denounce,
a melody seen and often sung.
There are things I tell myself,
You are one of those things.
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On this first day of May, I find myself looking back at the month of April and there are a lot of things that I experienced, immersed myself in that made it an awesome month. So, here are my favorites:
- I got to spend time with my best friend, mentor and advisor and also with my Mom drinking coffee at Java. I learned that I love those impromptu dates with my Mom just talking over a meal.
2. Writing a story for Oaks and Crown Leadership Program. This is still ongoing and even though I was unwell for a while and could barely string along sentences, I feel so relieved and elated that I am still writing.
3. Books! I had two major book hauls in April and the most recent haul is one I look forward to because of the diverse authors.
4. I am eating healthy. Look, it’s tough sticking to a healthy diet when you live alone, but for me, the greatest nudge was a visit to the hospital and having the doctor look at me like I was killing myself-worse off during a pandemic! So, I started juicing to supplement my diet.
I love pineapples and cucumbers, so that’s more of what I blend. 5. Oh, and I am obsessed with Korean Dramas on Netflix! So, here are some I’d recommend: Run On, Rookie Historian Goo Hae-ryung, Legend of the Blue Sea, My Secret Romance, and above all if you have the time- please make time and watch It’s Okay to Not Be Okay…trust me, that’s an absolute fave!
Those are my top five faves for the month of April and I am much better physically and mentally as I write this, my greatest desire is that I get to write more this month- that I never get to check into a hospital for exhaustion or anemia, just for some more strength, less exhaustion and more love I guess.
Have an awesome month. Give love. Receive love.
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I look for you in the lies I tell myself.
I am better off without you,
I deserve better than you,
I can live without you.
When my anger has walked out the door,
Fear settles in, she takes a mug of coffee,
Sits beside me and watches me.
Her eyes dig into my soul,
My soul has long known not to hide from her,
Because the soul knows better, fear loves a mirror
This way she does not spend the night.
I look for you in the lies I tell myself,
because it is easier to set them aside than it is to face the truth.
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A part of me finds comfort in taking a step back and sorting my life into compartments, especially during this pandemic. I find it easier to wake up and seek out one compartment, browse through it and if I want to do something about it, I do it, if not, I put it back and reach for another.
Today, I thought about my writing. Of all the things that could come to mind it was only words and my love for assembling them, stringing them along and weaving a tale. And it was the fact that I have two books that have been shelved for 3 months now:
- Laana: Daughter of the Middle World
- Every Market has a Mad Man
And as I was contemplating advancing the plot of these books, I thought of how easy it is to be paralyzed by perfection, to want something to be perfect so much so that it stops you from getting anything done. This is what I have been allowing, the notion that they have to be perfect and for someone who has written and published before, I should know better that the first draft is just that. It’s the first thing, and it’s as imperfect as it can truly be and can be edited and refined only when it is complete.
So, I am writing again. I am going by a schedule and so far it feels good to imagine the world and the actions the characters I write would take.
It’s been more of a slump since March last year in the world and today, in my world, I feel like the sun is beckoning me and I want to put this moment in writing, to cast this feeling into words, into history.
Have a good day🧡.
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Give yourself time
Time to unravel
To choose yourself above all else,
To love and lose,
To sink or swim,
To pick and choose.
Give yourself time,
Time to marvel,
At all the things you’ve done,
At all the things you’ve planned.
Give yourself time,
For you have this life,
Shouldn’t it be worth it?
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So, the Corona Virus is still here and the only person who seems to be gaining more during this period, somehow happens to be borrowing money drowning a nation in debt and I’m all sorts of angry and disappointed, forgive my inability to punctuate my frustration.
Well, hello, so I have been trying my best to stay healthy, eat right, drink lots of water, keep my thoughts positive and it’s taking a toll on me.
On reading: I am reading a lot and buying more books, like this dandy collection I got yesterday.
On writing: I have three writing projects that have been causing me sleepless nights and two have been on hold for the longest time as I work hard on the final piece, a story The Adventures of Kiti and Kata, for Oaks & Crown Leadership Program.
Here are some awesome blogs that I have been irresistible company this week:
I am also loving the thought-provoking and honest conversations by Dr. Wandia Njoya on the YouTube Channel, Maisha Kazini.
And then let’s just say that I have always been drawn to Korean Drama from the very first time I watched Boys Over Flowers, so imagine coming across such a vast collection on Netflix! I absolutely swooned over and enjoyed every bit of Tale of the Nine Tailed and now, I am watching Goblin: The Great and Lonely god.
I am drawn to mythical creatures and anything that involves a tale or legend will have me looking not once but twice, and if it’s good enough, then I’ll watch it. This however still stumps me because for some reason, I am not loving the Chinese production, based on the book, The Ghost Bride as much as I truly wished I could.
All in all, I am taking each day, each moment as it comes. Have a great weekend!
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I hope this finds you
utterly bothered, restless,
unsettled,
anxious…I hope it sets your veins ablaze,
So your dear heart may restart.
Or maybe it burns the ice that preserves your heart.
Dear Sir,
I hope you…
Forget it!
I just wish you’d live on your terms,
Not the world’s.
Sincerely,
True.
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I got flowers today,
a gift from my soul to my body,
white roses.
I got flowers today,
and the sun came with them,
my heart is full,
it is tender.
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I thought I owed you,
‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’
‘Where are you going dressed like that?’
‘Who is he?’
‘When are you coming over?’
‘Can I buy you a drink?’
‘Will you take minutes?’
‘Could you listen to them?’
‘When will you have kids?’
‘Why aren’t you married?’
I truly thought I owed you,
So, I walked while looking over my shoulder,
Kept the memory of your hands, body on me, hidden,
a gift to the demons that plague me.
I thought I owed you,
ANSWERS.
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nilichoandika 