We are barely a week away from July and this month, like the first five before it have come and gone by so fast that I feel I’ve barely achieved much. I was going through my writing archives and working on short stories, writing again and reading more- that the past two weeks have been very fulfilling for me.

I’m at the point where close friends are bold enough to ask me to my face, “when is your next book coming out?” I am also at the point where I look forward to answering that question without grinding my teeth. So, here’s the truth- I finished writing a book in April, but I am not satisfied with it, it does not feel like it is from me, so I haven’t shared or published it and for two months, I drowned myself in doubt in wondering whether I would write again. It was easier to post here that I am writing or working on a book, than to say, I had written something but it fell short of my expectations.

So, for the first time since I started writing, these past two weeks I grieved. I finally understood what it means to invest time in creating something and then not loving or seeing it when it’s done…and that hurt me more than I let on.

I was reading Grief and Renewal: Finding Beauty and Balance in Loss by Miguel Ruiz and Barbara Emrys and he shares something that enabled me to finally come to terms with this, he says “be patient as you learn to be more aware.”

So, did I write a book? Yes.

Am I proud of how it turned out? No.

Does that hurt? Yes. I wrote this book for eight months and it feels like I failed.

Does that mean that I won’t write again? No. Actually I am writing now that I have accepted that I can do better, share something else with the world.

I am looking forward to going through my recent book haul- as I keep at it, strengthening my writing schedule. Until then, live, love, laugh…be kind to yourself.