I’ve written 25,000 words this month for NanoWrimo and it feels too good to keep it all to myself.
Inasmuch as there are three days left to the end of this month and I could probably write up some few words, I am not all to keen on it because I haven’t been in the frame of mind to pen the words as I would love to.
After an intense week of work and nursing a pregnant stray dog (I named her Daisy) I have this idea for a short story series that may be what I need to finally keep working on my manuscript.
On Reading: I am currently devouring “Happy Singlehood” by Elyakim Kislev
I am also listening to a couple of albums that I can’t seem to get enough of as I write late into the night:
I’m looking into other channels of ebook publishing aside from Amazon KDP, Draft2Digital and Smashwords- that would offer me diverse options on what I share and how I share my work.
It’s two days to that final goodbye and a part of me wishes I had questions to ask or the ability to show my grief like these people expect me to. I did not know my Grandfather, not as much as I hoped to, but the bit that he showed and constantly displayed I knew and in his final years we’d have conversations if Safaricom airtime allowed us. He would call once in a while and I would cheer him up. When I was in between projects he would wish me well and ask me to be patient, something would turn up, a short term contract, just like I like them. What amazed me was that in those moments we both had a laugh. The stories and insights he’d provide would feel like he was actually there and actively involved in my life.
However, he constantly talked about getting to finally close his eyes and being done with this world. I mean, who wouldn’t, but if you’ve led a polygamous life and had to content with sore joints and a trachea that was closing up, then even then no one could convince you otherwise.
However, there is one person that I long to sit down and give the benefit of the doubt.
I would like to ask her “how do you cope, burying not one, but five children in your life time?”
I would like to ask her “how do you cope, having your sister as your co-wife?”
I would like to ask her “what happened to your cheerful spirit, your welcoming personality and your resilience? Did life knock every fight out of you and when did you realize that you were better off staying down than getting back up?”
In short, I want to ask her “what happened to you?” and sit there and listen to her talk because a part of me dies slowly and like a light that’s growing dim, I feel her slipping away right in-front of us. What surprises me is that I am not hurt or shocked or sad about it, rather, I am accepting what’s coming to pass before it’s even passed and what does that say of me?
There are events in life that mark you.
My sister says that life knows how to brand those whom its dealt a pack of cards.
I was marked when I watched my father take his last breath. I was marked when my teacher slipped away into the night. I was marked when my uncle slipped away. But, the greatest of all was being marked during the day, having this short nap and dreaming of my grandmother with my uncles laughing, only to wake up and get the call from my mom that she’s gone. It’s two years since her passing but it still hurts and like my dad’s passing I immortalize her in words. Sometimes, I call out her name and smile but it never reaches my eyes before their banks break. Once when I was out and about, working, I heard a song and broke down. My colleagues did not know what to do, but none of them could bring her back- and sometimes when I sit back feeling like nothing is going my way, I see her face and it hurts because I always thought she’d live forever.
It’s the good ones.
It’s always the good ones that hurt.
So, I sit here listening to So Will I (100 Billion X) by Hillsong, drinking my first cup of coffee of the day and I cannot bring myself to ask questions. I cannot ask these questions because I am not ready for the answers and I never will.
One thing I am certain of is that my Grandfather’s finally had his wish and he’s going to be resting peacefully away from life’s troubles, but still I wonder, the five minute conversations we had…
And I said, “You are like tea, I can have you any time.”
unsplash.com
I do not need you, but I choose to have you in the morning, at ten o’clock, at noon, a few minutes past two in the afternoon, at five and at night before I go to bed.
You are like tea. You are good black, strong, with lemon, iced or with milk. You are good with a pinch of cardamom, ginger or cinnamon.
You go down well with cake, cookies, mandazi, bread, chapati, boiled maize, roasted maize, pancakes, eggs.
You are like tea, is what I said.
I should have explained it better or made you see you the way I see you, but you are never one to stick around for an explanation. Just like tea you cooled down when left to your own devices.
For, how do I make you understand that in all, you are from the earth and take a while to understand, just like brewed tea?
Oh, how my words fail me when my heart is in knots.
You my love have proven to be like simmering strong black tea: rich in color, appealing in aroma, tantalizing in flavor, but a sucker punch in temperature.
It’s a calm Saturday for me and this weather calls for staying indoors and reading a book or two as I drink from a bottomless coffee mug. So, what have I been up to? A little bit of this and that is what I’d say, so here’s a summary of my weekend in ten points.
One: I have written 10,000 words for NanoWrimo. This is my fourth year as a participant and somehow I find myself relaxed and unmoved by the desire to meet the target. We’ll see how it goes.
Two: I just checked my Netgalley dashboard and I’ve got 22 books to read. So, I hope I can finish them by 14th December, then take a break from reviewing books.
Three: I am looking forward to reading 4 titles by Wednesday.
Four: I can’t stop listening to:
Valentine by Hillsong Worship
So Will I (100 Billion X) by Hillsong Worship
Five: I’ve been dancing to this song this week every time I pass by the mirror, it’s so weird, but I guess by now I am officially weird.
Six: I received some insightful feedback on my book Fire, this week and I was too excited I bumped my knee on the table.
Seven: I’ve been off dairy products for thirteen days now and my Mom’s worried that my caffeine intake would probably be detrimental to my health because (a) she does not understand why I drink coffee before I go to bed and can sleep peacefully and (b) she does not get why I wake up at 4am to write. However she is glad that I do not wake up at 2am anymore.
Nine: I’ve been reading The Bone Clocks by David Mitchell and is it just me but once you read one of his books you want to read all of his works? I only felt that with Chinua Achebe and Khaled Hosseini.
Ten: I’m dreading doing laundry. So, I end this post right here and go and make another pot of coffee.
I came across this tag on The Bibliophagist blog this morning and I delved right in. She’s got interesting facts to share read her responses here.
I am not a big fan of Sci-Fi.
Reading in a matatu especially during long distance travels is a pleasure.
It’s my book and when I come across a phrase that ignites a spark in me, I’ll highlight it.
I’ve got a storage container with 50 books for my daughter and future generations.
I am not a stickler for order. If a book is part of a series, chances are I’ll read the third book before reading the first.
I get distracted when I am reading an ebook because for some reason, my ereader is also connected to my phone and notifications take me away from my reading.
I collect pencils.
I collect erasers (love the black magnetic erasers 🙂
I’m a huge fan of leather bookmarks which are available at Hilton Arcade and the Maasai market in Nairobi.
I write tidbits of insights when reading a book so that once I’m done, I can immediately write a review.
I’ve read more eARCS this year than any other year in my life.
I love writing at four in the morning.
Coffee and cake are always good company while reading a book.
I hate it when people are quick to ask for PDF copies of books or even share such when they could buy the book and support the writer.
I am not quick to jump on any bandwagon of a hyped up book. I’ll wait till it dies down and then read it.
Look, there’s the book and then there’s the movie; the former is straight from the Writer’s imagination and the latter is from a script, edited, cut short to fit a time slot.
I am a sucker for romance.
If it’s by Nalini Singh or Leslie North, chances are I’ll read it.
I believe that no book is worth less than a 3 star rating.
I love paperbacks more than hard cover books, because most of the time, I am tempted to either tape the jacket to the book or remove it so that it’s not damaged.
I do not like taking tea while reading. I prefer taking coffee.
I’m not a huge fan of novels that come with pictures, especially if it’s historical fiction, I have a hard time focusing on the writing when there are pictures.
Every year, most writers take up the National November Writing Challenge aka NanoWrimo, where the goal is to write 50,000 words (full length novel) in 30 days. This boils down to roughly 1667 words per day.
I am one of such writers.
It’s the fifth day and I have written 7,500 words and instead of doing a happy dance and indulging in three cups of black coffee, I’ve been watching this Turkish telenovela that I’m obsessed with [ Erkenci Kus].
Andrew Neel/ Unsplash.com
So, what do you do when you have been writing this story that in your mind is so awesome, but a few words in, it suddenly falls flat?
Should you:
(a) stop writing [ I am extremely tempted to do this because, hey, I have done it before and the number of incomplete manuscripts under my bed outnumber my shoes].
(b) keep writing
(c) ask the world, but surely not google, because you don’t have time to go through over a thousand search results.
(d) take a break, do the opposite of what you really want to do.
If I had a star rating for every time I’ve been pushed into patience by these words and this writing life, then I’d be the queen of stars and could probably trade one or two for a book. This month’s started out in an unexpected way, losing an aunt and my grandfather in a span of fourteen days, certainly has taken it’s toll on my mom and there’s more to be done here and there, but I’m taking each day and each surge of loss as it comes.
The best part is that I’m finally reading Cloud Atlas and can always go on adventures when I cannot seem to write anything.
When I look back, I wonder how she bears it all; to bury five children, to lose what you knew would never be your own.
To see the sun, the moon, the spring, summer and fall…
And like the rain, I poured.
When I look back, I see your face among them, souls thriving on keeping up appearances, bodies yearning for redemption, throats liquored up, children lined up, hopes squashed…the same people who made promises and like me, abandoned them to the wind.
Be careful what you tell a child,
More so, what you make a child see…every day.
And like the rain, I poured, my thoughts like drops that hit the earth, gone but not forgotten, splashed but not ignited…these thoughts are like the rain, these feelings are not the rain, they ooze out of me, unashamed, relentless and full of vengeance.
I have been counting the days to the end of this month and somehow, knowing that we’ve got five days left has me feeling a bit anxious.
When it comes to writing, I could say that this month’s been gracious and I have written one short story series, This Love and managed to wrap up September’s short story series Swazuri.
I also managed to ship a few copies of my books and sold them to friends, and their feedback has been much appreciated.
However, the one question I’ve constantly been asked this month is “when is your next book going to be available?” In the first week of hearing this question, I was more relaxed and quick to give the Writer answer “soon,” but as time went by, I felt choked by it, more like I was failing readers by not releasing a book immediately and in an attempt to please my Mentor, I emailed him the manuscript of Sifuna and he said “it’s rubbish!”Can I just say that there’s no one whose neck I’d love to wring as much as my Mentor’s?
He was right.
I will not aim to please because it’s my name on the book cover. I am the one who is sharing a story with a reader and inviting them to invest in it, so there’s no way I am going to produce something that I know to be incomplete.
Kyle Glenn/ Unsplash.com
So, I started by saying that I was counting the days to the end of October, and this is solely because I am participating in NanoWrimo (check out my profile) hoping to see where my love for this new novel idea will take me.
That’s all there is to say and I’ve got Hillsong’s So Will I ( 100 Billion X) on repeat as I attempt to create an outline for this upcoming writing project.
nilichoandika 