July is here and silly me, I can’t help but go on making lists of things I want to do knowing that I will either do them or fail to do them. What I am learning is that distractions are good, diversions are good too-sometimes, it may take you longer but if you know where you are headed, getting there is always a good feeling.
So, in June I got to read more books and stretch my #GoodreadsChallenge so now I’m at 68 of 183 books. I want to continue to share snippets of my thoughts on books that I have read in this month too.
There are three things I didn’t get to commit to in June:
Writing every day
Working out every day- I even bought a yoga mat that’s gathering dust beneath my bed now!
Being kind to myself-speaking well and positively to myself.
So, in July-the seventh month of the year, I want to:
Write 300 words of my new book- every day.
Work out every day
Continue waking up at 6am.
Take an online course or two, in a field totally new to me and commit to the study hours.
Drink more water, mind my own business.
Read more books both paperbacks and ebooks-especially that unread list on Netgalley.
Walk more often
Be more efficient and proactive at work-there are projects that are coming to a close and new assignments to be taken on.
Until then, have an awesome month- and in all that you do, my wish is that you are fully present, so each moment doesn’t become a regret but rather a building block into who are you becoming.
This is the title of the last episode of Hi, Bye Mama! a k-drama that I finished watching yesterday-and it’s about this woman, Cha Yuri who gets a second a chance to be with the people she loves, after being a ghost for 5 years.
As I was watching that final episode, I couldn’t help but go back on the title and it’s truly interesting how a flower may indeed lose its petals, they may fall off, wither or get clipped, but that doesn’t take away the fact that it is a flower. How many times have we fallen short and declared ourselves unworthy?
How many times do I as a Writer beat myself up for not writing anything? Or feeling that I failed at work when something did not go as planned? And just that phrase alone, petals fall but the flower remains- was enough to remind me to be gentle and kind to myself when things do not go as I planned.
This coming week, I want to carry this with me as I go about working on things I yearned for.
It’s a Sunday and I woke up at six in the morning per usual and there was a blackout. My morning class was cancelled and for once I wanted to scream about the hours spent preparing for this class and the desire to go curl into bed and sleep..
Since I was up, I found myself downloading Season 2 of Alchemy of Souls on Netflix-because I was in the mood for some sword fighting courtesy of Jang Uk- again! But, along the way and on my second cup of coffee-I truly wanted to post some life lessons that I have been reflecting upon. This is because yesterday morning, right before class, I finished reading The Owner’s Manual to Life (In case you missed that day in school when they handed it out) by Michael Zajaczkowski. He shares one hundred life lessons and if you’ve gone through life, you may have heard some of them- so you’ll feel some sense of familiarity with it.
So, some of the lessons that I am now reflecting upon are :
Focus on the twenty four hours ahead of you.
One sure way to conquer fear; make a decision and take an action.
The way to make a mountain out of a molehill is to add dirt.
When I feed the problem, it grows; when I feed the solution, it grows.
You are never too old to start something new
My absolute life lesson that got me appreciating how far I’ve come, as a person, with my relationships and work was:
This is a book that provides insights into healing, growth and it felt more like a way of approaching life experiences without regrets or disappointments, so you know I highlighted many phrases and some of those that I want to truly work on include the following-as taken directly from the book:
Start saying, “Thank you” for what you want as though it has already happened.
The only story that is ever going to matter is the one you tell yourself.
You do not need a lot of people to believe in your ability.
What nobody tells you is that it’s the attachment that hurts. It’s the expectation of what it should be or would be and by when.
The experiences we can’t release often still hold within them a lesson that has yet to be extracted.
You will have to start where you are.
Stop waiting for perfect circumstances.
A life of more is not one that always expands outward, it’s very often one that opens up inward.
The circumstances that existed when the relationship began can tell you so much about the relationship itself.
Heartbreak doesn’t happen with people who are wholly wrong for you. It happens with people who are just right enough to make you hope, but just wrong enough to prevent you from getting closer, or making it official.
“What if instead of thinking that your life was meant to unfold seamlessly, your realized that the courage it takes to keep opening doors, even if they all close, is part of the process?”
I stumbled upon Koya Nkurumah’s post on “Are your friendships evolving?” yesterday evening and as I read it, I found myself gaining new perspective on friendship and what it means to say ‘I have a friend,’ or ‘I am a friend,’ at such a time.
This also ties to the Kdrama that had my attention since late February and ended on April 9th- called Divorce Attorney Shin and more because of the friendship among three middle aged men- each having suffered a loss, and struggling to come to terms to moments and relationships in their lives where they feel they failed-and all through the series, it was three men coming together to eat, drink, check in on one another-even go camping.
So, Koya’s post got me asking myself, what kind of friend am I?
It also got me thinking of the friends I had growing up, of the memories that I gained from shared experiences from primary, through to secondary school to the university and what of work? Do I have and did I have friends at work too?
So, in a nutshell…I have colleagues at work- and yes, some do qualify as friends, however- it’s also built on the understanding that a majority of our time spent together is limited to job descriptions and fulfilling them.
Like any relationship, friendships evolve- and it’s alright if some come to an end too. You are not the same person every second of your life, and though your values may stay true for a long time, your perceptions and opinions do not-and as such, it’s alright if a friendship comes to an end.
Time. There are friends I had when I was twelve, sixteen, and even in my twenties whom I wish well and get a sense of joy when they connect on social media or I happen to run into them- and that’s it. Why? They’ve grown so much, made decisions, taken different paths and I celebrate that without wanting to take them back to when I knew them or my memory of who they were.
Consistent communication is key. There is the aspect of communication where it is easier for a friendship to stagnate when calls go unanswered, texts go without responses and over time you find yourself saying there’s no need to constantly be the one who reaches out and gets no response- Now this is one I struggle with, because personally-it feels like a fine line between resentment and wanting to cut off someone.
Seasons, people, places and perspectives change. If the sun shines during the day, and the moon lights up the sky at night who are you to expect someone to be constant and live up to your expectations all through your life? Like seasons, our perspectives change- and our experiences lead us along different paths and this affects who we let into our personal space and when.
Finally, the only constant person in your life is you, and as everything around you is bound to evolve, so are you-the only thing that should hold true is how you treat yourself. Love, cherish, and treat yourself-because you carry that into any experience, situation or relationship.
I woke up to a splendid morning, changed the sheets, pillow covers and got to drink some hot instant coffee, and then there was a blackout.
On Reading: This week involves travel and I get to be in my element so I can’t wait to get on the road, but something’s been bugging me, more like this not so subtle reminder that I ought to read more and it’s this yellow basket right beside my bed. I’ve got over ten books that I bought and I am yet to read. I haven’t even started the final book in The Broken Earth Series because I am saving it for the road trip.
What do you do when:
You buy more books than you can read
You buy more stationery than you can use to write
You enjoy doing activities 1&2 ?
If you have an answer, please let me know what has worked or is working for you because clearly I need an intervention or some sort of control.
On Life: I have been resting over the weekend, got to wash and braid my hair, watched the k-drama “Still 17” and now I’m catching up on yesterday’s episode of Divorce Attorney Shin (this is my favorite…lately).
I find myself stepping into new territories, almost more like walking into spaces and experiences that scare me or seem way above me- and I like this feeling, this courage…this hope, so wherever it leads me, let me just add that it got me loving Statistics and Policy Research, so let’s see where this mind and energy takes me this week.
What is life but a collection of memories? This is what kept playing in my mind today, just thinking about the experiences I have had and how it’s got me where I am.
You could argue that there is more to life, and it’s not just memories- but in my reflection, I could only agree on four things that I definitely need to let go of now and they are:
The idea of a perfect life. I had plans and then I had to seek opportunities and somewhere along the way COVID-19, corruption and the ability of my country to create scarcity of resources at will-had me accept that there’s no such thing as perfect, or soft life, it is what it is that moment.
Over-planning or shall I say too many schedules. I haven’t even started working on this.
Anything I own that does not bring me joy. Look, I got 3 bluetooth speakers, the first one because it looked cute, the second because they said it had bass-but truly speaking it doesn’t even adhere to volume and the final one because it has both FM and alarm clocks. But, I don’t use them often and I found it easier giving them out to close friends, because none of them were in use or thrilling to have.
The constant need to be in control of everything. Listen, I find myself struggling with this especially in wanting to have everything align to my desires and no matter how many times it hits me that the universe does not live for me, I cannot help but want to know- when, how, where, why, what time, what for?
On the flip side of this, are the two things I should let go of but cannot seem to:
Dependency on social media– I love Instagram, and can’t go a day without checking out reels or photos or trending hashtags
Kitenge clothing I haven’t worn in a year: Because well, they are custom made and still fit me and in good condition and just uniquely me. Truly!
At some point, there are things that weigh you down whether its consciously or unconsciously and I am learning that you can work on the outside and people can see it, but unless you work on the inside, you still drag around the baggage.
A friend sent me a list of questions on personal development and the very first one was “What are 5 things you have had to unlearn?”
Accepting everyone’s expectations of the course of my life. This would often be phrased with questions like ‘aren’t you supposed to be married by now?’ or ‘shouldn’t you be driving a car or having kids?’
Going out of my way to please people. In my line of work when I engage with communities and the government, this often comes in form of trying to get people to work together in peace- and I realized that there is a fine line between cooperation and extreme compromise- and often I would go out of my way to make things right at the cost of my health and well-being.
Being obsessed with body image. Yes, the number of times I have taken up workouts just to sculpt my body into what I think is desirable and then failing or being demotivated two days in- are more than I could count the strands on my hair.
Answering calls 24/7. This is exhausting! So, I made sure to let everyone I engage with that I wouldn’t accept phone calls or respond to work calls and emails past 7:30pm, this way I have more time to reflect on the events of the day, prepare for the next day and get rest. Besides I love going to bed very early.
Trying to offer solutions to people’s problems. Yes, this I learned the hard way because I had a friend whom I would advise and she would do the exact opposite until one day I asked her why she shares her problems with me and she said, ‘because you listen and it’s good to just talk to you about them,’ and since then I learned that it is possible to listen to problems without offering a solution.
nilichoandika 