nilichoandika

Finding my voice and then some

I have been posting on this blog for two years. I was on blogger before this and somewhere in between I published four books on amazon.

You would think, wow! However, some days I sit back and it feels like I have not done a thing worth bragging about, and it takes never ending rain like the one pouring outside my window to remind me of this. I am a sunny kind of girl. The cold weather gets me in a funk, and since I am on medication, I cannot drink as much coffee as I would love to.

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You may be a reader or writer or blogger or all, as you read this, but the thing is, have you ever felt like it’s not enough?

I have and it’s not the feeling but rather the situation that “I DO” all the time that gets to me.

It is twenty three minutes past seven and I have been at work, shielded from the rain, longing to go home and these thoughts assailed me. They have refused to walk in the rain and let me be. It does not help that my mentor is demanding a draft of my written work by Friday, but my heart and mind’s not in it.

I wonder whether my feelings would have changed tomorrow having scheduled this post?

I have written “The Crown of The Sea” but it does not flow or scream ‘indulge me’ like I would want it to.

At this point, I am scared to share it with anyone, what if they like it? What if they don’t? Worse off, what if they are unmoved by it, like I am?

Sometimes when I think about writing, I find myself uncertain of my voice and style and what comes to life when someone reads a story I wrote, but if there is one thing I am slowly coming to accept it’s that it will slowly come to be…

I am taking my own advice and setting the manuscript aside, working on projects, traveling a little bit, and then I will get back to it. 

So, does it get easier? I don’t know, and I am looking forward to whatever I will experience as I keep writing.

Have a lovely week!

Readers, keep reading and Writers, please keep writing! 🙂

 

nilichoandika

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8 responses to “Finding my voice and then some”

  1. Good idea to set it aside, wait for fresh eyes. It’s so easy to slip into a funk over writing. I think as long as I recognise that it’s just a phase and accept it, it’s a bit easier to ride it out. It’s when I fight it that it can become really frustrating. Just doing something else, for a couple of hours even, can help reshape my perspective I find.

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  2. I feel the same sometimes about my blogging. I feel unmoved by what I have written. Almost a thousand words. So I delete everything or leave it as a draft for so long. It usually goes away after I write something else that blows me away. X; that’s what a friend of mine called it.
    As for my actual writing, my voice is still frail, still struggling to speak out. Still drafts and unshared word documents….

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    • I hear you Tess. I have written so many drafts over the years and even after publishing books, the feeling still lingers, and though it can pull you down, it’s a reminder that you want to give the best that you can…and more often than not, the best takes time to get ready.

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  6. I know exactly how you feel. I regularly feel like I haven’t done enough, and I’m always trying to do more…which then gets me stressed out and in a funk

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