I wanted,

No, I thought I wanted,

Maybe…look, would you listen?

I think I wanted what you laid out for me; trim figure, flawless skin, good grades, an 8 to 5 job, feet pounding the tarmac, making my way through every box you modeled for me.

I think I wanted it all because you made it seem like the conditions that would earn your love, your approval, your support… until it dawned on me that the life I was living was your’s never mine, your’s.

I wanted it all, because you made it feel like it was all there was to life.

I wanted it, I worked for it. I earned it.

I fell under the weight of it.

You told me to get up; up from the pain, disappointment and what you called ‘laziness’ and every time I tried, I fell harder, sunk deeper, until I learned that I enjoyed being on my knees.

So, here I am and this is my desire: to live on my own terms.