nilichoandika

I dream…sometimes

January 16th, 2017

I dream of flowers,

A bunch or roses, a little bit of yellow and red, throw in some white roses and I’ll swoon.

I dream of love,

A bit of “honey,” “bae”, ” sweetie” “#relationshipgoals”, and cuddling, and endless gifts and hugs.

I dream of bliss,

A cup of coffee while reading a book.

I dream of insight,

A trip to Ghana to wander at the beauty and might of the Ashanti people and kingdom. A trip to Egypt, to grace the walls of one of the most famous libraries.

I dream of pleasure,

Waking up having slept in between satin sheets with a breakfast tray beside me.

I dream of clouds, music, love,laughter,books, hope…

Sometimes I dream of humanity, where we care for one another and parents don’t run for their lives while carrying their dead children.

I dream of children who go to sleep, and wake up trusting that the adults are true to their word.

I dream…I really do, and sometimes when anyone asks me about it, I say…

I dream…sometimes.
Why I dunk biscuits in tea

January 15th, 2017

I have a crush on someone. He is dark, but not that dark, some shade between brown and black, a little blend of Africa. He is tall and loves to wear long sleeved shirts and blue jean trousers. It is crazy this crush of mine, it turns up like rain in Nairobi, then causes my heart to flutter and disappears just like that.

So, here’s what happened: I was working on a story and listening to my playlist thinking of how awesome Emeli Sande is, by tapping the replay button on Breathing Underwater.

It was 30° hot in Kisumu. I was in the mood for a cold sip of Fanta Orange, but this meeting was pending and so, I walk in and I’m told to wait and the secretary hands me a cup of tea with Digestive biscuits on a saucer. I thought of turning it down, but hey, digestives! Who says no to digestive biscuits?

So, I give her my best smile, show her my crooked sharp teeth and set aside my bag and sip the tea. Hot!

I put it back down, and grab a biscuit.

There are six people in the waiting room,all glued to their phones. Three are in suits, two in jeans and one in something that looks like a capsule. She is the only one who holds my stare.

I take the biscuit, dunk it in the tea,and gently take it out and put it in my mouth. It’s a soggy heavenly flavour I tell you, and I do this for all the biscuits then finish my tea and hand over the cup to the secretary. Ten minutes later, I’m ushered into the room and this piece of awesome just greets me and I tell you I was mush! Why me? I think those Name tests on Facebook were lying, one said I’d be single this year, but lo and behold! A hunk of a guy ushered me into a meeting and I suddenly lost my balance.

“Sorry for that, we had a board meeting.”

“It’s okay,and thank you for the tea.”

“Yeah, you dip your biscuits in tea, it’s been such a long time since I saw that, we used to do that when we were kids, so, it’s quite refreshing.”

“You were watching me?”

“Everyone was watching you. Usijali, so do you have the concept ready? I can’t wait to show you what we came up with.”

“Sure, let’s do this!”

After the meeting, he walked me out into the hallway and said “listen, don’t take it the wrong way,what we discussed back there, I think it is cute that you dip biscuits in your tea.”

“Sure, no worries, I mean I’m not alone,kids do it too.”

“See you around then, maybe next time we can do all this somewhere else, outside the office and all?”

Wait…did you hear that? Tell me world, did you hear that? Is he asking me out,like out out or am I dreaming under the hot Kisumu sun? Please tell me you heard it too…or rather that you just read it…
The man from the Sea

January 13th, 2017

And so it was that Neema went to the Sea. I visited the beach every night hoping to get a glance of the little girl with eyes as big as the moon, and palms as soft as the love of the sun, but she never appeared.

Image Courtesy of Pinterest- user @sinsaymo

The man from the Sea never visited, and with time I learned that one pearl ‘amani’ kept turning black every time I returned home from the beach. It darkened with every visit, and I feared it would lose its appeal, so I stopped waiting for them. I prayed for Neema and wished her well, but there are some things that a woman never forgets-the love of a child for instance.

My husband, the one who dwells in a mnazi den, stopped coming home and I had the nights to myself again. I sat on my mat, watched the moon and sang myself to sleep. Those were the days when the women laughed into the night, and the children chanted their prayers as the men thought about dawn.

The weavers created the best carpets and mats.

The cooks prepared the best bhajias, kaimati, andazi and kokoto. Those were the days I tell you…but even then Jabali was but a little one, his feet finding their way around the sandy beaches we graced. He had his mother’s eyes, charcoal floating in milk, and his father’s shoulders.

Years later, this little gem would be the one who unleashed a wrath worse than the heat from the sun.
The man from the sea

January 12th, 2017

If people knew about him, they would cast him out. He would be the genie they heard about. The face to the man they were told to fear as children. I wonder, did anyone ever lay eyes upon him and live to tell of it? When people speak of Neema, they speak of an unmatched beauty and unrivaled wrath.

They speak of her anger as though it was a strong wave hitting the shore.

Neema was grace.

She was silence.

She was the one who saw truth when our people saw lies and greed. Her mistake was to speak about it and fight it.

She was never one to keep her tongue between her teeth!

The man from the sea visited her every night until the day she took her first steps and that was the last time I saw her as a child. He handed me three pearls: uzima, baraka and amani. I carried these pearls home and wrapped them in my kanga and hid them under my mat.

My husband would have traded them for mnazi had he found them, but he would never give me a child had I asked.
The Crown of the Sea

January 11th, 2017

...continued.

I am going ahead of myself. I will tell you about Jabali, the handsome man of the sea. I will tell you about his eyes and smile, but for now let us start with her crown, for it is the only truth that has survived to date.

A crown of sea shells, pearls and a flower.

The sea shells were a gift from the ocean. The pearls were a gift from the one who ruled the waves and the creatures of the ocean.

It is believed that it was him who found her by the shore that night when her mother abandoned her. He rose from the ocean, laid his eyes on her and held back the waves. The first time I saw him my heart took to the nearby forest leaving me with my mouth wide open staring at fate. He had eyes like the ocean and a jaw of three men combined.

He gently placed a baby in my arms and though his lips moved no sound came out of them. The baby wiggled and let out a sharp cry but I kept my eyes on her knowing that this was a promise I would take to my grave. Every night, I carried the baby to the shore and waited until the waves kept calm and he would come and hold her, gently swaying her and looking into her eyes. For years I asked about the mother of the child and all he could do was look at me and shake his head. If people knew about him
The Crown of the Sea

January 10th, 2017

Chapter One

A tale is told among the old souls, of a Queen; the beautiful one who lived among the great creatures of the Indian Ocean.

She graced the land when the moon was high up in the sky. Those who saw her say that her skin glowed like the moon and the trees bowed when she walked past them. It was a soft swoosh of leaves, a swaying of such strong and tall living things. They believed she was not of this world, for no woman could have such grace and beauty at a glance. But how would they know without having laid their eyes upon her? Others say that she was a siren who charmed the young fishermen into jumping off their boats into the deep ocean floor with her. And I ask, how would they know yet no one graced the shores of the ocean at night? However, of all that is said about her, one thing rings true; her crown.

They all say that she wore a crown of sea shells and pearls with one flower at the apex. If I were to start from somewhere, I would start with her crown. Before we proceed, sit down, have some water and listen. This tale is told not because of her beauty or might, but because no one has ever heard it from the lips of an old soul. As word spread about her across the lands, so did fear and evil, but what is evil and what’s there to fear if not a lack of understanding?

Her mother crowned her Neema at birth. The ones who spoke of her beauty and cruelty knew nothing of the turmoil in her heart. They saw what they wanted to see.

It was Jabali who could have set things right, but even he could not withstand the purity she oozed and in denying her, he set upon us a wrath unlike no curse man has ever seen.
Peaches and Grapes

January 9th, 2017

Loving someone is tiresome. It is exhausting to always think of someone and when you want to call them you realize you have no credit. You brush your teeth and wash your face with cold water jolting those facial nerves awake. You wrap the lesso around your waist because God knows you cannot walk out of the house to Moha’s shop in your nightdress, or else people will know that you sleep in the little mermaid’s red nightie.

They’ll see Sebastian hovering slightly above your ever growing bum, and think, ‘Gosh! She is certainly expanding, that one…yes, ever since she got that job up the street, she seems to be growing from behind.’

So, you get to Moha’s shop and buy an Airtel top up card for 50 bob and rush to the house. You load the credit and check out the Unliminet options- because that card says that you get some 100MB+20mins+100sms.

You wait for that text….

When you check, you realize that you are only going to get data bundles and you have no money to call him. It’s 7:30A.M. You check whatsapp but he was last seen yesterday at 2A.M.

2A.M?

What was he doing up at 2 A.M? You check your last chat and it ended with a ‘goodnight’ at 9 P. M. and an unrequited emoji kiss…

It is almost eight o’clock and you are already exhausted, having asked yourself so many questions and arrived at no answers.

Loving someone is tiresome I tell you…hand me some grapes will you?
Running in circles

January 3rd, 2017

It sucks to be honest on a sunny Tuesday morning.

To wake up at six, have breakfast at eight because you had go take your meds at seven.

It sucks that you have to keep time when it comes to your meds yet you walk into the office a minute earlier or later depending on how easy it was to cross the road.

I thought about it, really thought about it, and my dear you are right

Is it worth it?

Good health, great sleep,access to quality healthcare, good food, an appetite, a vocation, being able to walk to and from work,

Yeah, I really thought about it Nelly,

It’s a beautiful life!

It’s like running in circles but you’re in constant motion!

How cool is that?

Now you can respect that little puppy of yours and maybe next time, you can stop,laugh and really think about why you are running in circles.
To set or not to set goals

January 2nd, 2017

Jambo! Chances are you have heard the phrase “Happy new year!” more than you’ve heard “how are you?” So,I am not going to add to that list, but it’s great that you are reading this. It is even greater that my assumption is stronger, and that you’ll make it to the end of this post.

So, 2017, uh?

Time flies so fast, wasn’t it just the millennium yesterday? How old is Facebook again? And last year wasn’t it just SnapChat’s year? And of course who can forget the epic showdown on democracy? If you’re American and you’re reading this no disrespect or harm here, but voting in Trump just had me speechless! Let’s agree to totally disagree that it was the highlight of last year. Forget that,it’s a new year and like most people I am struggling with the decision of either setting or not setting goals.

First, I rarely meet the goals I set every year. Secondly, it is boring to set goals because life always springs up new stuff on me along the way. So, to set or not to set goals, that is the question!

I thought about it and realized that there is a lot for me to do and why not settle in the middle. I can set some goals in certain aspects of my life and leave the other aspects as open as I can. For example, I’d love to read at least 100 books this year and review them on Goodreads. I can set that.

I’d also love to publish another African series.I have set a timeline of February for the first draft. I can definitely work on that and also source for a cover creator by March. I can work with these timelines to produce content but if there is one area I am unable to tap into, it has got to be my studies, work, and fitness.

So, to set or not to set goals, I am learning that choices are personal and whatever I choose I have to take responsibility for seeing it through and accepting the consequences. So, until then, here are a few titles I’m reading today because it’s back to work tomorrow.
It’s the little things

December 31st, 2016

It’s the last day of 2016, and instead of writing a list of things that happened this year, I am going to talk about a build up.

It is the little things that matter, especially because they build up when ignored, and the saddest part is that little things are easy to ignore.

Like the voice in your head that keeps telling you “it’s not a good idea,” or the awful remarks you hear your colleagues make that make you wonder whether you are in the right place. Sometimes you are doing something but your heart is not in it and you force yourself out of bed every morning and spend days working on something that is not in your heart, simply because you are afraid of what would happen when you take a step back. I have been on a roller coaster this year. I have had the best work experiences and some that I deemed worse. I have walked in and out of interviews sometimes hopeful and sometimes distressed.

As I write this, I am at a crossroads. My heart is done pleading with me and it’s pulling me towards achieving a dream I have had for years. It is a huge project. I have no funds, except for a world I dream of. It is a beautiful dream but realizing it would be a nightmare and I will have to step out of my comfort zone.

What would you say?

I don’t know, for at the moment, I know I am not in the right place and would have to move. I also know that moving frightens me because I would lose a paycheck in exchange for an idea that might or might not work.

It’s been a frustrating few months but I’m going in for this, because hey, if I could sweat it out and write a book, why not try a career change?

So, it is indeed the last day of 2016, but whatever moment you have, cease it, and spend more time with loved ones. If you are at work, please do not ignore the little things that frustrate you, find an outlet that’s positive (liquor is not) and sort it all out, because when you ignore these red flags it builds up into frustration and you end up hating your work.

Also don’t just capture memories, make memories.