And in so doing, the sun will go to sleep and so will the sun within you.
pexels.com
Never count the lashes they give you,
Your scars will always remind you of how many times they broke you.
Never hold onto the bile in your heart,
It may spread into your soul and once that goes dark,
death looms and there is nothing as worse as the death of the soul while the body still lives.
Never let those who choose to see you kneel before them break your spirit,
Rise up even if it’s one toe at time,
Rise up Child,
For your spirit is from those of old, eons of prosperity and pain, and you only heard of what the phoenix could do, but have you ever asked yourself what the Sun’s been doing every day?
You are it, Child, so fight for it, forgive to heal and rebuild, fight…
I know not to flee for when I do, your scent assails me wherever I go.
You come to me on your terms and sometimes,
Just sometimes…I wish I could wake you up.
I wish you cared a little more,
I wish you would have told me this before,
So, I would not try to cage you…to grasp you in my hand, in the comfort of my palms pressing closer, drawing the life out of you.
They told you a man had to stand his ground,
They told you not to let me have my way with you,
So, you chose them over a quiet dinner with me,
You chose them because it felt safe not to be mocked by them.
pexels.com
So, I brought down the walls of the cage I had set up for you…
I took one step back, then two, then three and when you were not looking, I ran.
I did not catch my breath,
17 missed calls…12 texts, 8 missed video calls,
I ran because it was safer to be miles away from you than to stay and let you treat me as your status dictated.
Now, here we are…you are a shadow of yourself and I have no regrets.
You want to speak of everything now, you want to pour it out but at the gate of your heart lies this barrier, the one that still calls me the villain, and I see it in your eyes
Hold me while you wait, hold onto me while you wait,
Maybe…just maybe, you’ll one day find the courage to live on your own terms,
Now, here we are, you are a shadow of yourself and I have no regrets.
He is what you perceive him to be depending on the time, day, place and mood you’re in.
Sometimes with a glass of wine, he’s mellow.
Sometimes with popcorn, he keeps you so glued that you forget your friends’ warnings.
Sometimes as you do the dishes, you yell ‘liar! he ain’t good for you,’ because you know the script so well and those spoilers online already told you he’s cheating.
My Love is like a series,
Just like any other production, you can choose to forget about him, to walk away, love yourself and in so doing- find that you were the Producer all along.
The Old man’s wife reached out to brush away the single tear that made its way past the gates of Naima’s eyes.
She nodded and took her arm and led her to their home. As they walked on, they caught up with Shoka and in looking at the Princess now in close step with the man and woman, Shoka could only nod for he too knew what it felt to have everything taken away from you.
If there was one thing he held onto was the fact that the Princess would never stop fighting. He could not tell whether it was the best gift from her Father or the best spirit she inherited from her Mother. He only knew that for as long as she fought, the world would keep hitting her and what a sad life for royalty! The four walked on, each step articulating the silence that filled their thoughts. When they got to the Elder’s home, Naima and Shoka were led to a hut right behind the animal shed. It was dimly lit and Shoka could not purge the stench of goat urine from his nostrils as he accepted the seat he’d been offered. Naima was closely watching him. He leaned back in the seat, closed his eyes and attempted to sleep away the stench that would be his companion for the night.
As the old man retreated, he opened one eye, glanced at Naima and she was still looking at him, “you do not know how to hide your discomfort Shoka, for a man who was declared mad, you are worse than royalty.”
“Ei, I never thought in my life that I would accompany a Princess in the dark into a dark hut where the goats pissed in our mouths as we slept.”
Naima threw her head back the laughter exploding from her attracting the attention of the Elder’s wife who came rushing with two blankets. “Are you alright my child?” she asked, looking from Naima to Shoka. After a while, Shoka stood up and asked if he could watch the stars, leaving Naima in the company of her concerned host.
He shook his head watched his palms and gently placed his hand on the left side of his chest. He was alive. He was still whole and there had been a moment where he forgot his place, she was a Princess while he was an outcast, doing a favor for a friend.
pexels.com
His eyes traveled the sky, glancing from one twinkling star to another before settling on the full moon. His parents had worshipped her. The sound of his mother’s singing to the moon, asking her to watch over her husband and his friends while they were out on the lake, filled his ears.
The kind of ringing he drowned with wine. It was the good memories he drowned…for they assailed him more than the bad ones.
I like the sound of the words rolling around your tongue, an invitation to explore the things we want to keep hidden, and that in itself makes me want to laugh.
Not at you, with you Stardust…how did we get here?
How is it that the one person who preferred to watch National Geographic whilst burning his lungs would want to talk?
pexels.com
I know it’s rough, I just blurted it out and you shake your head and smile.
You have been smiling more lately.
I like it when you smile, because it means a light’s shining within you.
I wonder, Stardust, why is it that when we talk…we do so in the spaces between the silence of our fears?
I come to you in words, a whisper in the evening when the clouds hover to usher in the dusk.
The sun has not beheld your countenance for two days, and she knows even that is a century…so she shines upon me, summons me out of my hiding to reach out to you.
You once said, “I hate flowers, they’re beautiful one second and dry up the next. If I could find whoever invented vases I would slap some sense into him…they never keep the flowers fresh!”
“How sure are you that it’s a man?” I asked.
“Most of the stupid things we see are invented by men…trust me.”
pexels.com
So, I pretended to do just that and watched you cloud your pain with anger. Your friends thought you were being a jerk and they called you out on it, until you simply shook your head and said “The old man is dying, prostrate cancer, stage four or something…he wants to see me.”
It was then that they knew.
I am a choice you made Stardust, but the men around you- Mark, Matto, Jim, George and Stano…are your family, the ones who know how much is too much for you, the ones who looked at you and told you to secure the bag when they met me. Yes, I know they pushed you to apologize…Stano can’t keep a secret where chapatis are involved!
It’s been two days Stardust and you are doing what you do best. You are walking into the dark void that’s your pain and no one’s invited, not even me.
There are some trips I can never make for you…and had I something akin to Ariadne’s thread I’d give it to you so you could find your way back to me…and even that would take a while.
You’ve got to want to come back.
You’ve got to want it all…the pain and the pleasure…until then Stardust, I hope my words reach you.
She looked up and saw a man fighting with his spirit to remain upright. In his hand was a small gourd, no doubt whatever was in it was responsible for his swaying and not the wind. She shook her head and smiled.
“Why are you following me?” she asked.
“Me? Follow you? Enhe, stretch out your feet and place them against mine, do they fit? Does it look like I can step where you have stepped with those tiny feet?”
“Well, then, it was nice meeting you, do not follow me if you want to keep your throat!”
“Enhe! Wait…just wait daughter of the most beautiful one, you should not go back right now.”
“I see, so you are following me and where do you think I am going back to?”
“You are as stubborn as the donkeys that we whip! Look, I don’t care what you think of me, but I find it easier to be dismissed by fools not by wise ones. So I will tell you again, you should not go back right now, if you like, you can ask me why.”
“Why?”
“Because it is not yet time and why would you leave the one you love in the hands of the one who wants to sway his heart towards her?”
“That, like the rising and setting of the sun is none of your concern, what worries me is why you hide behind the drink when you do not worship it.”
“Ah, I always knew you were a smart thing, but Enzi is the kingdom of fools and do you know what happens to anyone who thinks otherwise? We bind them, pour ash on them and strike them until they go mad and then we summon the entire kingdom to prove we were right.”
“Shoka, son of Imara…it is a pleasure to finally meet you.”
“Naima, daughter of the most beautiful one, Queen of Enzi, ruler of the four kingdoms, daughter of the sun, friend of the moon and fearer of none…the pleasure is all mine.”
“Just call me Naima and would you keep that gourd away? You are neither a drunk nor a mad man, now tell me why I should not go back to Enzi and do not remind me of the plot between Zuriand the Queen of Yajayo to keep Zola in custody until I return. I know all too well when a girl yearns for a man, or have you forgotten that the wicked witch of Enzi has four daughters?”
“Princess, you sell yourself short…sometimes we have to fight ourselves to get what we deserve.”
“Zola can decide for himself.”
“Have you made yourself an option my Princess?”
“Do I have to?”
“Oh, beautiful one…many men may fall at your feet, but the one you want to look into your eyes should know that you choose to lift them off the ground. The one who so yearns to be with you needs to know that you’ll fight for him just as much as you are fighting for yourself, the memory of your mother and the women of Enzi…didn’t anyone ever teach you that?”
nilichoandika 