nilichoandika

12 Habits for Life by Matt D’Avella

October 1st, 2019

I came across this video on YouTube and clicked ‘play’ so fast you’d have thought my mind needed the fix.

Matt D’Avella shares his experiences, having gone through the journey of reading self-help books, living, working, stressing and yearning to improve the quality of his day-to-day life.

I love a video that goes straight into the topic and can I just add that those ad breaks always make me stop and open another tab to actually get some work done? This video doesn’t have that- and you can subscribe to watch many more of his videos.

So, he shares the following habits which I found quite interesting and I’ll tell you why, let me list them first:

1. Exercise.
2. Eat more veggies.
3. Read.
4. Drink water.
5. Stop buying stuff.
6. Meditate.
7. Build routines.
8. Passion project.
9. Declutter.
10. Journal.
11. Wake up early.
12. Quit social media

Would you say that the habits he shares are practical or can be easily applied to your daily life?

In my mind, I was like “Easy,” I mean- I have done these at some point and especially number two – seems like most of my life given that I do not eat red meat ( and for quite some time now, get an allergic reaction when I try eggs.)

Ever heard of the 5am club by Robin Sharma? I did that in 2018 and then my sleep cycle changed when I changed jobs.

I literally checked off everything including keeping a journal ( for I’ve been doing so since I was 12, and it’s got some great ideas for my writing).

You’d think I’ve got my life all together and truth is I don’t even know if together is anywhere near a description of my life. And I know where I missed the mark, it was in thinking that if I do any of these things once then that’s good- or by treating them like cold medication, and stopping when things seem fine.

I’d love to try being consistent and intentional with the first 11 habits for the next 30 days. I am currently working on success stories for the projects at work- and so, quitting social media would not be ideal at this point, especially when I’ve been put in charge of both Instagram and Facebook content development.

Let’s call this my October plan and see just how much I learn from the journey.

I’m currently reading:
The Autumn Book Tag

September 30th, 2019
Here’s to the love of book tags and I came across this on The Bibliophagist’s blog today. I jumped in and here’s my take:

Rules
- Answer the questions
- link back to the creator (Jenniely)
- tag other people!
1. Hot Chocolate – what is your comfort book?

The Fountain Head by Ayn Rand. I find comfort in Howard Roark’s declaration:

2. Pumpkin Carving – what is your favourite creative outlet?

Writing.

3. Falling Leaves – changes that appear bad but you secretly love?

Attending parties. I love large gatherings in doses. When I say doses I mean, it takes me quite a while to get psyched into going out or simply hanging out with people at a large gathering, this sudden change from simply being in my own space to where lots of people expect my attention or are watching me, freaks me out-but I find myself transformed after a while.

4. Pumpkin Spiced Latte – something you love that others tend to judge

I’m with Sara on this one: Staying in. Oh, I’m like a cat, I can sleep for hours and it’s my favorite way of spending the weekend. Going by my response in number 3, let’s just say that I do my best to stay away from social gatherings.

5. Bonfire Night – what makes you explode with joy?

Pencils

6. Fright Night – favourite scary book or film

None. I am not a fan of scary books or films.

7. Halloween candy – favourite thing to eat

Chocolate cake

8. Scarves – your autumn ‘must have’ accessory

Travel mug fully loaded with hot coffee!

9. Fire – a book or film that burns your soul

I can’t mention just one.

10. Toffee apples – a book or film that seems one thing but really has a different inside

I’m not such a huge fan of films so this right here has me at odds and ends.

Since I jumped in on this tag, I’ll leave it open to all the Book Lovers who read my responses, feel free to tag me in your responses, who knows…we may indeed be birds of a feather.
Hidden

September 27th, 2019

There are things we would never tell the world.

You once asked me “would you keep a secret from me?”

I answered, “yes, I would…everyone reserves the right to hold back some things even from themselves, isn’t that why the unconscious mind seems to unravel mysteries or depths we never thought we had?”

You laughed but I could see the war waging inside of you because like me, you go from zero to one hundred in a flash. I never cared to know why or ease your mind.

I should have.

I came across a shirt…a piece of clothing I once borrowed from you because I love my shirts as baggy as they can be, and my jeans…well, I never knew I dropped two sizes until I got a pair of skinny jeans.

So, here I am, wearing this shirt…unraveling every conversation we ever had and smiling as I drink my second cup of tea tonight. You had me undone, while I was a mystery even unto myself, to you…I was a puzzle and could easily be solved.

So, here I am, wearing this shirt…unraveling every conversation we should have had and smiling as I drink my second cup of tea tonight. You had me. Now, a part of me holds onto the only piece that still remembers you like you are right here, and it is telling me that I am okay, that I am alright…that I cannot keep my hurt hidden.

So, here I am, Stardust, saying thank you because in this lifetime…I still can’t believe how come I never got you to drink coffee!

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Impasse

September 17th, 2019

I refuse to look back.

Not at your wounded heart, neither your pleas nor touch would make me reconsider.

I refuse to travel back to the point where you wounded me.

Stardust, how is it that we orbit each other only to wound ourselves?

How is it that you who knows me all too well can break me when I am whole?

How is it that when I decide to leave, you draw me back?

I refuse to look back Stardust.

So, we stare at each other…I am seated directly opposite you and she is somewhere in the next room doing her best to locate her clothes.

I like her.

She’s got a warm body, beautiful smile and more so because just like me, she fell for your charms. The difference is that she let you trail your hands over her body…while I struggle to let you linger…a touch is like a prick, and you often say “these miles you’ve set between us will one day set us apart.”

I have asked her to stay. She’s not at fault. She’s as shocked and worried as you are, because she does not understand how you would drop her like hot coal for someone who is just a friend.

Stardust, you deserve the world. I lay it your feet. You win.

lucas da miranda/ pexels.com

How then is it that I ought to come to you as ‘yours’ when you relish everyone else? Oh, how the world is your buffet and us minions but snippets of delicacies that you may or may not relish.

I refuse to look back Stardust, so now we are at an impasse- my feet folded beneath me on this couch, my eyes, an ocean of hurt and your soul, gone…

I refuse to look back Stardust because I know in doing so, my heart may blossom at the moments you made it soar and it may just ask me to stay.

Do not ask me to stay.

Release me Stardust…I deserve the world, so curl your feet, let me pick it up and walk into the light.

Release me Stardust.
Crown

September 13th, 2019

I know of a tale.

It goes something like this, “once upon a time, years before the gods made man, there lived a being unlike no other. Her heart was the sun and her smile the moon. She shone brighter than every light known to the gods and in her presence there was glory.”

I know of a tale.

It goes something like this, “once upon a time, when man thought it wise to take another, he left his home and went to another being of beauty. Every day that he spent away from his home, his beloved’s heart grew cold. It grew so cold that when he’d lost everything he had; he came back to find a fortress around his home. He called a passer by and asked “who built this wall here?”

The passer by looked at him and shook his head, “don’t you know what happened? Some foolish man left his home for another and this wall right here is what remains of his wife’s heart. The poor woman died of a broken heart.”

I know of a tale.

It goes something like this, “once upon a time…”

I know of one tale right now, being of beauty, shine as bright as you can, dim the fear and doubts that try to cloud your light by saying ‘you are not good enough.’

You are a galaxy, being of beauty, in you are eons of splendor, own it!

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It’s the little things

September 12th, 2019

Have you ever experienced a missed opportunity and wondered how did it pass me by? Or, how did I miss that?

Lately, I find myself asking this of every person I encounter- and I know I get lost in my mind often, however, the past six days have been full of such moments where I pause to ask ‘what did I miss?’ every time I engage someone in a discussion.

My friend says it’s the INFJ in me, and sometimes she mentions it’s the Pisces in me, but I am more inclined to her saying that it’s the human in me. Bottom line- it’s frustrating me now because I am unable to focus on my writing- and haven’t read the book I really want to read.

Today was the highlight of my ‘what did I miss moments?’ because a colleague during discussion paused to ask me ‘how do you know what I am going to say before I even say it? And do you know that you really look at people in a way that can make them uncomfortable? Are you studying me…like right now?’

I did not answer any of her questions because unbeknownst to her, my mind was reeling with so many thoughts about my work and community meetings- going over every agenda I discussed and praying that I synchronized my notes using my new Violet Gel pen. My colleague did not press me for an answer and I hope she never will, for it’s dawning on me that I need a time out.

I need time to decompress or do what I always call ‘exhale’ and simply be me- in my own space. So, as I was scrolling through my Instagram feed, I came across something that made me pause:

I have been going above and beyond, pushing myself at work-striving to achieve so much that I slowly forgot to take little breaks, to compliment myself, note the little things that I did right along the way…and now, my mind’s overwhelmed and calling for a break, a much deserved break.

It’s my hope that by acknowledging this I would be in the frame of mind I feel I need to make it through every day and also not to judge myself harshly for missing social cues or snippets of energies from people I interact with.

Indeed, it’s the little things that make an impression, it’s just we often see the forest and applaud nature but forget to single out the trees.
Flame

September 4th, 2019

My love is like a flame.

It knows your name,

Accepts your shame,

Keeps you safe from blame.

My love is like a flame,

It knows how to ignite,

Even when we don’t fight,

It gets you just right.

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My love is like a flame,

Forget those lines up there and know that it knows how to keep the temperature right, a little bit of heat, a little bit of zing, a slow burn, or full on roast.

My love is like a flame, isn’t it odd that I am the one who gets consumed by it?
A little more to the left

September 3rd, 2019

“How do you do that?” You asked.

I was seated reading Tyrants and sipping coffee, my legs folded beneath me and as always, my heart a steady reminder of this proximity we have.

You draw me to your weakness, and I draw you to what you could never have.

I looked up at you, my eyes casting a quick glance at the cigarette between your fingers, the pack beside you on the window sill and smiled…you let out an easy laugh, and I smiled once more, “how do I do what?”

“How do you reign in silence?” you asked.

I put the book down, walked up to you and reached for that cigarette…gently placed it in the ash tray and sat beside you.

You smiled.

Did you know that when you smile, your left eye twinkles more than the right? It’s like a star finding it’s way home, releasing the light from within.

“How is it that every time I am with you, you ask me questions that require answers beyond my comprehension?”

“You make me sound like a Philosophy class!”

“And you…you make me feel like I am attending a soul-searching session, how about that?”

“Can I have my cigarette back please? You are giving me ideas and trust me, none of them, involve the distance you’ve carefully crafted between us.”

“You still feel miles away from me?”

“You, Love, are like light…you drive away the dark, you also unveil things that I prefer to be kept hidden away from not only you and the world but also from me and that scares me…it freaks me out that as tiny as you are, you can illuminate even the parts of me that I never wanted illuminated.”

“So, I am light…”

“Love, you are nothing but light, you are what stays true in both the dark and the light and if you only knew how powerful that is…you’d never hesitate to be mine.”

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You

August 31st, 2019

You are like a confession.

I should utter you to find the release I need, but like a secret,

You choose to remain hidden.

You, are like that thought in the middle of a storm,

the silent reminder that I can let all hell break loose and I won’t die.

I wear you like a badge of honor,

Gaze upon you like a thing of wonder,

Dream of everything up yonder.

You, Stardust, are like a confession,

It’s time I utter these words and set myself free.

Christian Soler@zander222/ Unsplash.com
10 lessons learned this August

August 30th, 2019

It’s the second last day of August and can I say that 99% of me is screaming with joy because schools open in two days and that means your girl will be out and about initiating dialogue and meetings to set up infrastructure in public primary schools.

This means a lot of travel, field work, engaging diverse views and most of all, it means that I am closer to my purpose- seeking to positively impact the quality of education children get today, one school at a time.

This month’s been an interesting one. I lost three of my friends this month and it goes to show that life is as precious as you live it.

So, I thought of wrapping up this month with some of the most memorable experiences I’ve had this month.

1. I experienced varying degrees of emotion when it comes to love, attention, and intimacy.

If you can please watch this video. It’s one the talks that spoke to me in my phases.

2. My experience one, shared above, led me to check out Esther Perel and after her insights on Red Table Talk, I have watched most of her talks on YouTube, trying to reconcile my expectations versus reality when it comes to love.

3. It is possible to go without coffee for 21 days. I repeat, it is possible to go without coffee for 21 days, but the struggle means consuming a lot of tea and in my case, I had at least 3 cups of black tea every day.

4. Everyone wants something.

5. Everyone you meet has a whole lot to offer it depends on how you approach and engage with them.

If you think you know it all, chances are you know nothing at all and sometimes when you are seated at a table, negotiating terms and working around policies that would impact livelihoods, it’s best to engage silence.

6. There is something exhilarating about taking online classes.

I took 2 courses on +Acumen on: Adaptive Leadership and Environmental Sustainability Practices.

7. People call it a ‘Bucket List’ but Emica Mao, author of, Plus One Plus None, calls it “Do-While-You-Can-List.” So, whatever it is to you, write it and pursue those things relentlessly!

8. We regret the things we don’t do more than those things that we actually do.

I learned this when a colleague approached me with the latest office gossip, and given that I was the heroine of this tale, she chose to tell me that people were saying I was having an affair with one of our associates (who is married). I listened as she spoke and when she finished I asked her ‘is that so?’ and did not say anything after that. In fact, I haven’t said a thing since then and it hurts me that this tale, founded on a lie, hurts me to date. I wish I told her off.

9. Fear is good sometimes, it keeps us going.

I struggled writing my latest book, Sifuna. I wrote it, released it and then de-listed it and edited it and just cast it aside for three months, until this August when I shared it with a couple of readers. It feels good to get positive feedback especially after struggling with a story for so long. It’s more like ‘I’ve still got it.’

10. I’ll end this list with two words ‘stolen kisses.’

I am looking forward to September and what it brings. Hoping to grow more into my own and travel some more.