nilichoandika

6/40

July 27th, 2016

“What are you thinking about Marjorie? You have just closed your mouth on me right here. We had better finish up and head back to the office. I have some interviews to conduct at 2pm.”

“Nicole, if you talk this much around me, and we are not best of friends, I wonder, just how much do you spew around your family?”

“Family is crazy. You are born into this group of crazies and you deal with it, but with friends, ni kama buffet, you can choose what to add to your plate. So, tell me ,what are you thinking about?”

“It’s just that Martin is seated at that corner, next to the window looking at me.”

“Where?”

“Stop doing that! You’ll break your neck! And, wait, next to the blue pillar with those flowers on your right, act like you are picking something from the floor…Nicole!”

“What? I do not have to check him out, we are not scouting for a future husband. We don’t have to steal glances. I want him to see us talking about him. Kwanza let me wave!”

Martin meets her eyes. Nicole looks at me, smiles and turns to Martin her right hand going up, and she waves. I shake my head. My Father’s daughter.

I push my plate aside. Push the chair back, a screeching sound startles Nicole. I’m up and walking out, but I do not miss it. Martin waves back at Nicole.

His eyes are on me.

My Dad would know what to do. He would know what to say to make things better. His only fear was that he let me carry the world at a young age and I have never shrugged since then. I had expectations. The issue with Martin unsettled me because I was the only one who seemed to be aware that it was a game to him. He would apologize and do it again. He loved being punished but what did that say about him as a person? Why did his actions unsettle me? What was it about this project that made me realize how much of a jerk my colleague was? This was the sixth day after the boss assigned me that project. It was a charity event, why would Martin want it so much that he would put me down?

Nicole did not come after me. I wished she did but I would never admit it to her.
5/40

July 27th, 2016

“What do you mean by that Nicole?”

“What do you think? Martin has always been the bump in your highway. You cannot drive at a hundred kilometers when the bumps appear from nowhere. Okay, if you drove you would get my logic.”

“So, now I am flawed? What is wrong with you woman? Why do you support him? Is there something I am missing because you are always coming to his defense?”

“I just wish there was more about Telemundo in our office, that place iko na drama,wah! Kwanza did you hear about what happened upstairs?”

“Where? I am upstairs too, can you be more specific?”

“Marjorie, you are the one who knows how to relate to the public, now why should I enlighten you about people in our so called office, and listen, before you call me a gossip,ati oh, drama queen ati mama muchene, just listen because it might help you.”

“Are you really going to finish that soda?”

“Kwani what do you take me for? Si ikibaki nabeba nikienda nayo home! Wacha kumezea soda yangu mate, plans zako zinyamazie!”

“So, what were you saying about my public relations skills?”

“Listen, I will do my research and tell you all about it. Do not stomp on Martin’s foot,maisha ni hard. Maybe he just has complex issues. Between you and I, tunajua kichwa yako ni ngumu kama ya mbuzi, pardon my French!”

“Why are we even friends?”

“Hata mimi sijui, but you are one crazy woman. You are stubborn. Pass me that pepper, sauce yangu imedry. Wacha kuniangalia hivyo madam PR!”

Once the bowl of pepper was in her hand, she dipped her index finger in and made a clean sweep of the paste. Her words clouded my mind. What if there was more to my situation with Martin? How many complaints would I file to get him to stop? What would I gain? What would he lose and why did it matter? I looked around the room. Eyes. Hands. Tables. Voices. Thoughts. Needs. Mouths.

At the far end looking right at me was Martin.
5/40

July 26th, 2016

Nicole’s idea of lunch was a full plate of chips, 1/2 deep fried chicken, and a litre of Coke.

I had a serving of bhajia and bottle of water. She looked at my tray and scrunched up her nose. She reached out for a piece of bhajia and dunked it in the pepper I had. I pushed the pepper towards her. She dipped her index finger in it and licked it like mama Josephine’s brown cat. “You can have the pilipili if you want.”

“Ai, no, I will use my tomato sauce and chilli, but that bhajia pilipili is fine! You know like the hot young kids who cannot even spell Curriculum Vitae! And aki you won’t believe me when I tell you the things we go through trying to recruit people for these people who drive Range Rovers and write cheques like someone sending an sms!”

“What do you go through? Is it as worse as PR? Where I have to find out which buttons to push to seal corporate deals and the like, and worse off write statements or sweet talk journalists not to print or publish some nasty pictures that could lead to divorce or worse off death of the big guys?”

“But at least you can bribe people! You get rid of the problem. We have to prevent the problem from getting into the company. It’s like trying to prevent a virus from shutting down your computer, now if those IT guys can take years to do it, imagine a mere girl like me from Ukambani, with skinny legs and a great skin trying to say, ‘dear’ instead of ‘ndear,’it is a crime I tell you! People should not suffer like this.”

“Ghai, pole! You have to work though, no one forced you to study human resources.”

“Ouch! If I wanted an exorcism I would have called my Mother, now nipe hiyo pilipili before you take away my appetite. So, how are you with Martin?”

“I have not spoken to him and I don’t want to.”

“Aki, it’s that bad?”

“It is what it is. Tell me what should I do, from the HR angle.”

“You can file a complaint so we can give him a warning, or you can ask for a refresher training course on his job description, but let’s be honest Marjorie, what if there is more to this than meets the eye?”
4/40

July 26th, 2016

I opened a few online store pages as soon as Nicole left my office. I would give a jig to wear a red dress to work. My colors were more of the neutral range: grey,black,brown and white. I switched things up with some bright colors once in a while but the only red thing I owned was a belt. I couldn’t buy a red hand bag, not even if it was leather and I know my leather.

After much scrolling and clicking, I closed all the tabs and went back to drinking my tea. The extra cash I had in my account would go to Dad’s treatment. His talk about grandchildren was a thrill to my brothers. Francis was one to talk given that he was off to saint hood. The one time I brought up that girl with breasts like coconuts he gave me the silent treatment for one month. The next time I mentioned the one with an orange phone with that ringtone that sounded like the clash of sufurias, he unleashed a three month cold war. That boy had a good memory. His father’s memory. He had a heart. His mother’s heart. I couldn’t tell which one I loathed. Dad, Raphael and I know that he’s never going to wear that cloth. We also know that he would be better off teaching Theology as opposed to living and practicing it. See, Francis cannot fail to acknowledge curves. His head turns at the sight of legs, bums, light skins and long weaves. He appreciates beauty.

Raphael believes he can do it. Father just shakes his head. Raphael thinks he would make a great priest. Father just shakes his head. Raphael opens his mouth to say one more thing and Father goes, “When are you going to get married to that young woman who cleans your clothes, prepares your food and sleeps on your bed?”

Raphael suddenly has a phone call to answer.

With my last sip, I looked out the window at the parking lot, there were four slots remaining. It was almost noon and I had not made any advancement on the project I was assigned. I sat by the window, counting the black cars and then the white and the grey/silver. I lived for days like this when I would only look forward to lunch and 5pm. Some days I looked out my window and there were more open parking spaces because the bosses were not in.
4/40

July 25th, 2016

“Ndovu wawili wakipigana nyasi basi ni lazma zihamishwe! So, what has baba watoto done this time because it’s all over the office and you know people here love gossip. So, tell me Marjorie what happened?”

Nicole perched herself in her new red dress on my desk revealing legs I wished I had back when a few whispers from men mattered. It was eleven o’clock. Francis promised he would call me by noon with updates on Dad’s condition. The doctor had insisted that he stay in the hospital until he’d regained his strength. Francis believed in God so much that his presence beside my Father felt like impending judgment. I blew the whistle, pulled out yellow cards and red cards. Sometimes I waited to see one of them tap out in order to keep the balance and maintain the little sanity I had left. Nicole storming into my office with the perfect dress, round firm buttocks, great legs and shoes was my cue to get maramoja. Pain relief for never ending headaches.

“Marjorie why are you like that? Don’t I share my drama with you? Tell me what happened.”

“Will you resolve the matter?”

“I don’t know but you know a problem shared is half solved. Ni kama avocado unaweza kula vile unataka but ni poa ukiikata katikati, so Martin alifanya nini this time? Nasikia boss alijam! Amepewa ka project kengine hataki.”

“He was simply being Martin and I was being Marjorie. We started arguing mbele ya boss and he called us into his office to resolve the matter.”

“I see, but why is he doing your job? You are the one who was given this project, so what is it with him? Wait, what if…no, this is too awkward to be shared here, but I will ask you, do you like him?”

“Like him? He is always on my case trying me make me look bad! What’s there to like?”

“I mean, as in like him enough to date him?”

“Work and pleasure? No thanks. Do you like him? You can date him if you want to, I do not think he would mind.”

“Eish! Kwani wanaume wameisha Kenya hii ndio niambiwe offer valid until stock lasts? I was just saying that maybe he likes you and forget the stuff you hear around. He is single and very romantic or so some people say, but ni sawa, are we going to BoBos for lunch? They are having Juicy Thursday today. I need a free drink like that!”

“Sure, I will pitia you we go.”

“Okay, let me load my professional demeanor nikitoka hapa kwako. If I’m heard speaking Sheng’ itakuwa ati siku hizi we lack professionalism. I sold my freedom of expression for a paycheck! Weh,baadaye!”

“Bye and thanks for checking up on me.”
3/40

July 24th, 2016
The computer was on when I left the office to get some hot water from the kitchenette. Mama Chai, the lady who serves us tea and snacks, reached out for the green thermos beside me. She gave me one of her famous half smiles. I don’t want to know. I do want to know but it won’t pay my bills.

She placed her thermos beside the bowl of fruits on her trolley, adjusted her apron and left. The scent of soap followed her just as the gloom did me. Silence that could slash your vocal chords. She walks in at six. She walks out at six. She preserves her poison in that green vacuum and slowly dishes out a dose of it down every willing throat but mine. Those who believe that she has three grandchildren and slaves daily for them fill their cups with her poison.

I know this much about tea; it’s brewed.

It is served black with either lemon or two teaspoons of sugar. So when I walked in on her boiling milk and adding some water and throwing the tea leaves that first day of work, I knew she was up to no good. Telling my Father that story marked the beginning of my paranoia. Don’t be fooled by what she says or how she appeases the spirits in your stomach, there is something about that woman. Mama Chai. Francis, my brother who can quote the scripture like a child singing the alphabet, insists that I project my feelings of disappointment as induced by our mother on her. The woman he calls our mother left us with our father for another man. He owned three sugarcane plantations and a blue Peugeot back then. And onto these blessings he had two wives of whom my mother joined to become the third. Francis was three years then. Raphael was four and I was six. Francis sees the romantic version of things while I understand the horrific version of it. They woke up at seven found tea and warm water for their baths ready.

So, Mama Chai is doing what she knows best. I can give her that much, but my hesitation towards embracing her warmth has nothing to do with the woman Francis calls our Mother. I was looking out the window when I heard voices behind me.Two interns in oversized trousers came in after the woman suddenly losing their voices when they saw me by the sink.

Working here was like walking in the dark. No matter how much you widened your eyes, you still saw nothing. I washed the cup and served myself some hot water from the water dispenser and walked back to my office. Nancy, one of the Assistants, said hello adding that my scarf would look beautiful around her neck. I told her she could come for it at the end of the week.

I pushed my office door using my left hand and saw the blue file behind my tray. There were two pages missing from the file. It was not the first time this had happened here, but with a boss like the one we had, work was a race. My first year involved summons to the office and botched presentations that miraculously gained other employees a thumbs up from the boss. Being assigned this project with a huge cash bonus and holiday package meant a fight, but with my exams and my dad’s illness it was proving to be a worthless battle. The desire to match up to Martin’s office overwhelmed me. I would yell at him or turn his desk upside down. I added a teabag and sugar to the hot water I had and stirred it. What was it with Martin and stealing my thunder? The way things stood I could:
1. Be friends with him
2. Turn his desk upside down
3. Ignore him
4. Work away from the office
5. Use a different email address, something the IT boy,who stays in the same hood as Martin, could not access.
6. Definitely turn his desk upside down.
7. Tell him to back off
8. Upload a virus on his computer
9. Choke him and turn his desk upside down and shred his files.
10. Drink tea and forget the loser!
3/40

July 24th, 2016

Martin stood up, his eyes traveled from my head to my feet in what felt like spreading margarine on a slice of dry brown bread.
2/40

July 23rd, 2016

There are some things a girl can take. However, there is nothing a woman should take, especially being unappreciated. So, when Martin decided to squeeze into my spotlight at the meeting by stating that he was the brains behind The LightKeepers venture I had to tell him off.

You could have called it unprofessional of me to do that before the board but I’ve had it with his constant need to glow without burning up.

Candles have to melt to keep the light on.

This man did not put in the effort but he couldn’t stop basking in the glory. It did not surprise me when the CEO summoned us to his office immediately after and started talking about a balanced diet.”You cannot eat one food group and leave the other on your plate. Something is wrong here and you two should work it out before the next meeting if you love your job. Martin, what is the name of this man we are working with and why is he doing what he works on?”

“Jeremiah. He loves children Sir.”

“What did he say about our proposal?”

“He loved it and made some suggestions that we will need to include to see this project through.He’s on board Sir.”

“Martin, if I call this man now, will he tell me what you are saying and will he also attest to having met with you?”

“Sir?”

“I am not a fool Martin and you had better revise your job description because it can be filled by Marjorie. And you, do not think that you are better than anyone here, you were hired and you can be fired. This project is coming off pocket change for me. Know your limits Marjorie, go back to work Martin and she will stay on this project,work on the Khaminwa case with Lillian and give me a report in an hour.”

The CEO turned his attention to me once Martin had left the room. He was twirling his black pen in between his fingers and tapping on the desk with his right hand. His temper had a shorter leash than his favor. Since when had Jeremy become Jeremiah? What waa that about? I was still reeling from Martin’s superiority complex syndrome when the boss let out a shaky laugh.”This is my company. You can take the lead when you have your own company. I need positive updates at the end of every working day Marjorie. And before you step up always be sure of your ability to remain standing. You may leave.”

“Thank you Sir.” The boss tilted his head to the side his eyes fixed on me,but after a while he nodded and waved me out as always.

Walking out of that office felt like taking a cool shower after a jog. I stopped by Lillian’s office to pick a folder with an updated proposal and walked to my office at the corner. I pushed the door open.

Martin was sitting behind my desk.
2/40

July 22nd, 2016

I stayed behind at Java for a glass of fresh juice. Jeremy showing up and leaving immediately was an inconvenience but his idea of time was not the same as mine. I thought of how I would explain the bill to the HR and ordered another glass. Two glasses=no explanation to the HR.

When I made it to the office that afternoon, I was welcomed by two eager receptionists. Alice could smell trouble as far as Nairobi. Wanja could sniff a hint of good news as far as America. The two could spit bile or honey down the phone with a simple hello. So when Wanja approached me first, I was deluded that all would be well by crossing my fingers.

“So, word is that you were meeting some fly guy who saves poor kids,is it true?”

“Which part? The guy, him being fly, saving poor kids or that I was meeting him?”

“Don’t act all Bossy! You never meet young people,all those CEOs you meet have made you forget young guys, so how did the meeting go and why are you early?”

“It went well and did Lillian leave the report I asked for?”

“You are so serious Madam PR! You definitely need that PR you talk about, and some facial treatment, like a day at the spa so you can smile more often!”

“I will smile once this project is done,and I’ve gotten that Masters degree! How did you two know about my meeting?”

“Alex, the tall guy who works in Accounts told Evans. You know Evans likes to hear the sound of his voice. He told Lillian who told her assistant over lunch and she told us,so the whole office knows mpaka Mama Chai.”

“Well, may I please have that file Lillian left so I can figure out how this whole project will work?”

Alice handed me the file while Wanja kept her eyes on me afraid that they might lose some information about the meeting if I blinked.
1/40

July 22nd, 2016

Jeremy scheduled a meeting after lunch. I asked him to meet with me at Java for an introduction and his response was a swift ‘okay,’ and then ending the call I’d made.

It was no surprise that he was not there when I arrived at Java. So, I walked into WoolWorths to feast my eyes on their latest collection and jewelry that I yearned for in my dreams. He joined me later on, a tall, slightly built dark man in need of both a scrub and shave. I kept my eyes on the aquamarine earrings on display whispering my desire to steal them.

“You know what they say about a thief right? Well, each thief has forty days and when their time is up they are caught. I would be careful with what I steal Marjorie because the truth is, your punishment will depend on what you’ve been caught stealing.”

“I am not a thief, but you have to admit that those earrings are beautiful. Like have you ever seen something in Woolworths that you wished you could buy, but after tax, your rent, food, shoes and money to the parents, you could not afford it?”

“I’m a guy. We buy expensive things all the time, like you can get shoes at a hundred bob, well; I cannot even get good bathroom slippers at that price!”

“Bata has those blue and red slippers that guesthouses remodel so you cannot steal them, like seriously why do they always cut a v shape at the tip making them look like fish motifs? Who would want to steal cheap ugly bathroom slippers and leave the cussons soap?”

“I recall you stating that you were not a thief.”

“I recall history and womenfolk believing that men don’t listen.”

“I am not going to win this, am I?”

“Never.”

“Okay, so what are you doing this Friday?”

“I will be at work from eight in the morning to five in the evening. Why do you ask?”

“Would you have coffee with me then at say six after work?”

“Coffee?”

“Yes, with me.”

“Where?”

“Right here.”

“Java, okay, but how about we have something to drink now so I can drown my sorrows for not having enough money to get those earrings?”

“I have to get back to the office, but I promise that we can talk more about your sorrows on Friday, raincheck?”