Find me in the place where the noise from the world comes to a hush, or a whisper, where it feels like the only truth you’d find is the one that is.
“What if I don’t want to find you?” I ask and he smiles.
“I knew you would ask that, you question everything Dee, and it is great if only you would stop to listen to answers you receive. Find me Dee.”
I shake my head and continue writing the dialogue I was working on. It’s the next book I hope to publish and everything about the lead character evades me. He knows I’m in my world and so he walks away.
pexels.com
I know how many steps he takes to the door before he stops because I count when he’s not listening. How odd it is that he asks of me what he knows I would not provide.
Apples.
I suddenly want to eat three apples- something red and crunchy and healthy…and what’s in my house is an endless supply of tea bags, sugar, water and two oranges.
He calls me, “Dee…” and I look up at him and he says “stay safe!” I nod and smile and tell him “you too.” What hurts is knowing he will drown himself in another bottle of whisky thinking he can have and destroy what he has at will.
He says my love is like thunder, so loud it cannot be ignored.
Sometimes when I am not looking, he would make notes, scribble thoughts that came to him about me,
So, when I call, he knows that there is something…he does not need to ask,
“Do you know what bothers me about you Dee…it’s just that you are too good and too slippery for anyone. You run before anyone can think of catching you, like the wind, no, like the unknown…when will you hold still for love?”
“Did you read the book I sent you?” I ask.
He laughs. He knows me and yet I refuse to accept this truth.
“What are friends for?”
“So, what do you think?” I ask in between sips of my third cup of coffee. It’s too hot inside this house but I’d rather sweat and pace up and down than let the mosquitoes in.
“Love…it’s like giving someone white flowers when you know you want to present them with a rose, a single red rose and the truth between those two gestures is in the actions that prompted you to present them with flowers in the first place.”
“An apology…”
“No, when you know you cannot catch the wind and you’ve tried all your life, what comes next is more painful than an apology Dee…it’s surrender.”
I hope that wherever you are as you read this, you are safe, well hydrated and if you’ve got an elderly person near you- you’ve checked in on them. Called in to say hello, or helped share some essentials you stocked up on that they don’t have.
I have been writing mostly and simply trying to get myself in motion in the house- so here are two things that I learned help:
30 Day fitness challenge App: the 5 to 10 second workouts are great energy boosters
Drinking lots of water and listening to music.
So, I was in Nairobi this past weekend and the Kenyan government’s call for self quarantine came in right after I’d done my book shopping and I’m glad I got to get these titles to keep me busy.
What are you reading?
Whatever you do, stay hydrated, wash your hands frequently with soap and call your loved ones…neighbors, colleagues, just check in on people.
The Old man’s wife reached out to brush away the single tear that made its way past the gates of Naima’s eyes.
She nodded and took her arm and led her to their home. As they walked on, they caught up with Shoka and in looking at the Princess now in close step with the man and woman, Shoka could only nod for he too knew what it felt to have everything taken away from you.
If there was one thing he held onto was the fact that the Princess would never stop fighting. He could not tell whether it was the best gift from her Father or the best spirit she inherited from her Mother. He only knew that for as long as she fought, the world would keep hitting her and what a sad life for royalty! The four walked on, each step articulating the silence that filled their thoughts. When they got to the Elder’s home, Naima and Shoka were led to a hut right behind the animal shed. It was dimly lit and Shoka could not purge the stench of goat urine from his nostrils as he accepted the seat he’d been offered. Naima was closely watching him. He leaned back in the seat, closed his eyes and attempted to sleep away the stench that would be his companion for the night.
As the old man retreated, he opened one eye, glanced at Naima and she was still looking at him, “you do not know how to hide your discomfort Shoka, for a man who was declared mad, you are worse than royalty.”
“Ei, I never thought in my life that I would accompany a Princess in the dark into a dark hut where the goats pissed in our mouths as we slept.”
Naima threw her head back the laughter exploding from her attracting the attention of the Elder’s wife who came rushing with two blankets. “Are you alright my child?” she asked, looking from Naima to Shoka. After a while, Shoka stood up and asked if he could watch the stars, leaving Naima in the company of her concerned host.
He shook his head watched his palms and gently placed his hand on the left side of his chest. He was alive. He was still whole and there had been a moment where he forgot his place, she was a Princess while he was an outcast, doing a favor for a friend.
pexels.com
His eyes traveled the sky, glancing from one twinkling star to another before settling on the full moon. His parents had worshipped her. The sound of his mother’s singing to the moon, asking her to watch over her husband and his friends while they were out on the lake, filled his ears.
The kind of ringing he drowned with wine. It was the good memories he drowned…for they assailed him more than the bad ones.
I am ready for March! It’s my birthday month and I am here for it simply because I hope I can catch a break from being in my feelings and out in the field.
In line with this, I thought I’d share some of the insights and experiences I gained in February. When it comes to reading, some of the titles I enjoyed reading this month are:
Some of the articles I’ve enjoyed reading include:
The Mo Ibrahim Index of African Governance: I was particularly drawn to their report on “Agendas 2063 & 2030: Is Africa on Track?” because I work closely with public primary schools in improving infrastructure with the end goal of seeing to increased attendance of pupils in schools while improving the quality of education. I was sad and not surprised that the quality of education has since 2014 reduced in Africa.
I am also in love with Tarot readings and this new obsession/fascination has had me closely following three wonderful humans:
On writing: I reached out to the publisher who saw to the production of copies of SIFUNA, to have my books ( Fire, Water, Wind & Earth) printed for the readers here in Kenya and we are still working around the costs and number of copies.
I know it’d be a great read this April.
The progress on my latest work, “Zuri: The Chronicler of Enzi” is taking longer than I’d hoped and this is my fault because I killed my main character and the villain and now I don’t know what to do with the story. I have not written anything for two weeks.
My favorite song in the month of February:
Life lessons learned in February:
Rest, eat well and most of all, rest…you can’t get anything done when you are worn out.
Do not take things personally…if you do, you’ll be bogged down by the wrong things everyone has done against you and that is a heavy burden to bear.
Books I’m looking forward to reading into the first week of March:
So, that’s it for now, I truly hope I can clear my mind, get some much needed rest and focus on writing and making the much needed updates to my work in progress.
Have a lovely weekend,
Stay safe. Live. Love. Laugh and Call the people you love 🙂
I like the sound of the words rolling around your tongue, an invitation to explore the things we want to keep hidden, and that in itself makes me want to laugh.
Not at you, with you Stardust…how did we get here?
How is it that the one person who preferred to watch National Geographic whilst burning his lungs would want to talk?
pexels.com
I know it’s rough, I just blurted it out and you shake your head and smile.
You have been smiling more lately.
I like it when you smile, because it means a light’s shining within you.
I wonder, Stardust, why is it that when we talk…we do so in the spaces between the silence of our fears?
nilichoandika 