And just like that, you drifted in and out, a vision, a fleeting moment, a thought, a star, the wind, the sun.
It took me an eternity to see you for who you truly are, a cloud.
Tag: writing
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It’s 3:15pm as I type this and a big part of me is thinking of standing in the middle of the road and yelling my rage out. The other part of me is seated in the corner sipping coffee, rolling her eyes and saying “like really? ain’t nobody got time for that.” The final piece of me is unmoved wondering when I will get my thoughts together and finally smile or act like the world is okay.
At this point, I simply have no care for all of it.
I am glad that I took time and went in for a much needed book haul.
This month’s brought all kinds of reckoning with it and today was one of those days where I sat back and had to contain everything that I was feeling.
I had seconds of frustration that materialized to rage and from there an absolute sense of calm, I almost laughed out loud about it. Now as I sit here, watching the city come to life, there’s this couple seated at the table in front of me that’s been talking for an hour. The guy has his hand covering the girl’s and she shakes her head once in a while, trying to release her anguish, but he keeps it all in check-I’ve seen him struggle to get her to look into his eyes…and I feel out of odds for simply finding her neck so beautiful!
The kind of luscious cocoa neck that you’d want to run your finger slowly up the spine of it.
It’s been a stream of endless chatter but even as I end this, I know that I am not far from having this kind of feeling in writing and hopefully, for my sake as well as that of the gods of literature, it will materialize to something.
PS: I should probably stop singing and dancing along to Drake’s ‘In My Feelings.’
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The man, she later came to know, was called Juhudi. He came from the land of Kings. His family traded not only in gold, cowrie shells, camels and cloth, but also in songs. His kind were the only known sirens who reigned in the Coast.
Every evening they would sit beside the shore, pull out their flutes and sing unto the goddess of the Indian Ocean.
Swazuri was the only one who dwelled in Juhudi’s heart and nothing anyone said against her would ever grace his ears. He struck the ones who spoke ill of her, the ones who said her eyes were the color of the Indian ocean, the ones who trembled when she walked in their path.
Whereas Swazuri was thunder, Juhudi was the lightning that struck without a sound.
“What happened to my mother?” she asked him.
“Your mother was never supposed to go beyond this land, but she believed that she could escape the gods. I never made it in time, if only I would have rushed home that evening, she would be alive today.”
“But, that is what you always say, I asked you, what happened to her?”
“And I, my dear Princess, keep telling you that she dared the gods and they punished her. A life for a life, is what Aziza said when I returned home that day to find her gone.”
“Aziza? The old woman who smells like rotten fish?”
“She is a wise woman. If her scent bothers you that much, then go and dip yourself in a pot of rotten fish and then sit beside her.”
“Why do you like the old woman so much?”
Juhudi turned to the little girl seated beside him and pulled out his flute. The moon was slowly making her way above the ocean, shining upon the waters as she made her way to the sky. He started playing, afraid that if he opened his eyes, he would see the woman- once Queen, now locked inside the grief in her soul.
His greatest fear was that one day Swazuri would look into the woman’s eyes and see her own eyes looking back at her. One a Princess, the other a former Queen.
-
I am in my feelings this week. I think it has something to do with being sick, because for someone who believed that she’d not be struck down by Malaria, well, it proved me wrong. The past three days have been as nauseating, sweaty, dizzy and full of a bitter after taste as only Malaria can serve.
I discovered that I love oranges.
Yes, well, I am more of a banana girl, and oranges were just not my thing, until Sunday evening! So, yeah, I definitely like oranges.
Unsplash.com Before I get ahead of myself, let me state that inasmuch as I never liked the fruit, my favorite color is Orange and I can drink Fanta Orange any time!
I know, I am in my feelings and if you are like me, you’ve probably counted the number of “I”s that have made it into this post thus far.
It feels good to write today and staring at a computer screen without getting a major headache is the most welcome relief.
I wanted to write another short story series for this coming week, something that’s closer to my heart in life, a bit of my life experiences that meant something and in a way still do, and now I am glad that I can finally settle down and get to it. (It’s a bit different from the Love in the Office series).
My music playlist has shifted these few days and I find myself listening to these five songs on repeat and I’m stuck on them:
- I’m Out by Ciara feat. Nicki Minaj
- Shut Up and Dance by Walk The Moon
- Like a Boy by Ciara
- Super Bass by Nicki Minaj
- Mirrors by Justin Timberlake
My friend says that I am a ball of energy and she can never contain herself around me. She also adds that I have my guard way up high that I never let anyone in, and she fears what tomorrow holds for me and I always tell her not to worry and stuff my face with cake. Well, I am in my feelings, and I’m taking each feeling as it comes, for now, I am looking outside the window…knowing that it’s coming to rain and I feel like I could write this new feeling a letter and give it a piece of my mind.
Have a lovely evening.
-
Diana had come to two conclusions: she would ask the Director to assign Charles a team and she would spend as much time as she wished with Matthew. The first conclusion was well received by her boss but not so much by Charles who had the audacity to ask “what work does she have that makes her so busy?”
In true Diana form, she had answered him right there, “you could always try and know just how much, by pushing for my termination and then taking my job, or better yet, you could get years of experience.”
The Director had just sighed and asked Charles to leave his office. Diana was too restless to sit down and even as she felt him get out of his seat and move towards her, she could not simmer down, “Diana, you have been working with me for three years. In those three years, I have never had any cause for alarm, because you are well aware of what your duties are. Charles is a boy, he is yet to grow up.”
“Sir, that is where you are wrong! He is paying taxes and to me that’s not a boy! He is responsible enough to want attention and credit but he does not want to work for it.”
“You are right.”
“I know he is your family. I know that you are doing your very best to keep him focused, but you ought to warn him, because the more he goes around telling everyone that he is in-charge, the less they’ll respect you and that is not fair.”
“So, are you worried about the level of respect I command or the fact that Charles is slacking off?”
“The latter will result into the former, Sir.”
“You always speak your mind Diana, be careful with that. Everyone is not as accommodating as I am.”
It did not come to a surprise to her when she bumped into Christina during tea break. The weather had been all over the place and what started as part chilly was now breaking into a full blown drizzle.
She was happy that her negotiation with the Director had earned her a raise. It was about time she got that and now, if she could focus on her studies, she could look into a higher position by the end of the year.
“So, tell me Dee, how’s it going with your new man?”
“What man?”
“Ai, si, you and Mattoh, ama you guys are not a thing? And don’t tell me you are just friends, because the high and mighty math guru does not just come to your floor to count numbers. I hear he was very worried when you did not show up to work, so tell me, how are things with him?”
“You have told me not to tell you, so I won’t.”
“Eish, kwani, what do you mean?”
“You said it, you don’t want to hear that we are just friends, so there’s nothing for me to tell you.”
“I can’ believe you! But, listen, listen, so do you like him or are you just a ka-watermelon?”
“What do you mean by ka-watermelon?”
“I mean, are you fifty fifty about him?”
“Look, you are going to arrive to a different conclusion, no matter what I say and that’s okay with me, but when you think about it, let me know and maybe I could listen to what you have to say.”
“Ooh, okay, sawa tu, so now you won’t tell your friend anything.”
“We are not friends, you only approach me for entertainment, please.”
“Eish, and you are in some mood today, ama bae did not call you so now you are mad?”
Diana sipped her tea, flashed Christina a smile and reached for her phone.
-
It took every ounce of resolve he had not to reach out and shake Diana. Did she like him? Maybe, but even if she did not, what use was it seeking him when she needed him? He could do better, but even then, there was something about her that called out to him.
He would never admit to his friends his reason for staying at the company.
He would never even let her know just how much he sought her presence, listening in for her input during weekly meetings, leaning towards her as she spoke or even just walking her to the bus stop.
When he snapped out of his reverie, she’d taken a step back and was rubbing her forehead. “Look, Matthew, I am not the best company today. Can we go through that document tomorrow?”
“Go home Diana, we’ll work on this whenever you want to. No pressure.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, now go home, get some rest.”
“Thanks.”
She’d then taken the stairs her hand caressing the rail as she descended, every step, as measured as her conflicting thoughts and there was nothing Matthew could do about it. She was at the realm of her department and someone as minute as Charles couldn’t help but make it impossible for her to excel.
Wednesday mornings were learning sessions at the company and Matthew knew how to wiggle his way out the sessions because one, he hated taking that half hour learning when he ought to consolidate budgets and two, sometimes the sessions involved webinars that he could seek out in his own time.
He took out his phone to dial Diana’s number. His thoughts went back to the conversation they had yesterday and he slid his phone into his pocket. If she needed him, she would come to him.
There was a meeting he had been scheduled to attend later on in the day. He thought of driving to the other end of town and it killed him because that meant spending a fortune on petrol. He could do well with parking his car outside his apartment, it’d save him a lot, but boarding matatus was not his cup of tea.
He pushed in the door to his office and the first person he saw was Diana sitting on his chair, a highlighter in her hand with a document that was more green than it had been black and white.
“You are sitting in my chair.”
“Good morning to you too Matthew, it’s the only comfortable one I could find, besides they were cleaning the other offices. Are you going to sit down or just stand there staring at me?”
“You know what, I just don’t get you…like, I mean…you know what, forget it, you are here.”
“I am here.”
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Diana thrust the documents into Helen’s hands after the meeting. She needed a drink, something hot and bitter to save her from the rage within.
She had refused to share details of the conversation she had with the Director with anyone in the office. The rumors swirled. She would not cower, Charles had been the wrong person to assign the marketing role, and she’d said so, but she had never thought she would be picking his slack.
Reviewing every report and action Charles took was something she had never signed up on.
She looked around the office, grabbed her handbag and took to the stairs.
Matthew met her on the second floor landing. He looked from her bag to her coat and neither spoke for a moment. He stepped aside and she continued walking.
He watched her descend four more steps before she stopped and turned to him, “Aren’t you going to ask where I am going?”
“No, if you feel the need to tell me, I know you will. I called you yesterday.”
“Yes, I saw your missed calls but I didn’t have time to get back to you. Did you need something?”
“I was calling to check up on you.”
“I am fine, now I have to leave this building before I lose all my senses.”
“Do you need company?”
“I am not very good company Matthew. Look, you are a good guy, kind and you put up with me but listen, there’s just…don’t hassle.”
“The nice guy speech? So, I have officially been put in the friend zone, is that it?”
“Look, Matthew, it’s too early to get into an argument, thinking of which, where were you going to? This is not your floor.”
“I was coming to you. There’s a budget that Charles sent that I have rejected and he’s not making any amendments I suggest, so the boss asked me to talk to you.”
“I see.”
“Yeah, and it’s like a bad time, si, I’ll come later.”
“How about tomorrow? I just can’t deal right now.”
“If you need company, I can drive you around town for a while and give you time to think and all.”
“Don’t you have work to do?”
“Kazi mob sana, but it was a suggestion, you can take it or leave it.” Diana took the four stairs back to Matthew, he was still holding the green file in his hand. He smirked as she approached, “You can be mean sometimes Matthew. I’ll see you tomorrow, you can drive around town by yourself if you choose to. While we are at it, don’t call me unless it’s something important.”
-
Matthew made his way to Diana’s desk as soon as he got off the lift.
It was eleven o’clock and the assurance he had that she was at work was seeing that she’d signed in at the reception desk. He would not admit that getting that information from the ladies at the front desk involved him hearing that he’d softened up the lemon of the office.
She was on phone when he approached and signaled him to take the seat next to her. He looked around the office as she chatted away.
“So, how are you today? Thanks for checking up on me.”
“I am fine and that’s a start, so what happened?”
“It’s like I told you, I needed time to work on some reports and a call from the Director gave me just that.”
“Are you sure that it’s nothing to do with Charles?”
“Look, maybe we could talk about it later, but there is this meeting that I have to set up and everyone including the Director is dreading it.”
“I just came in to check up on you. If you are doing well, then I’m good. So, what are you doing after work?”
“I am going home.”
“Wait, it’s a Friday, what are you doing, going home early?”
“I need to get some sleep so…now going out and all that.”
Matthew leaned in a said “We’ll see about that,” and smiled.
As he got to his feet, Helen, giggled and after one look from Diana she said “did you see what he was wearing?”
“Yeah, clothes.”
“He’s wearing a white shirt!”
“So?”
“Haiya, kwani you…haven’t you ever noticed that he’s never, like never come to work in a white shirt?”
-
Matthew stepped out of the lift during tea-break and walked towards Diana’s office.
Her desk was empty.
He’d dialed her number twice but there was no response. He set the cup of tea on her desk and turned to the lady sitting opposite her desk.
“Hi, has Diana come in today?”
“No, she’s not. Charles came looking for her too but I told him she had not reported today.”
“Is she sick or something?”
“I don’t know. She’s never missed a day of work, maybe something came up, but look, have you called her?”
“Yes, she’s not answering.”
“Which number?”
“Her Safaricom number.”
“Here, let me write for you her Airtel number, just make sure she’s okay, look, I am not being nosy or anything, but that Charles, he’s looking for any reason to take up her job, and between you and me, he’s almost there.”
“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”
He took the paper from her, keyed in the number on his phone, saved it and made his way back to the lift.
-
Diana was thrilled to be at work.
There were seven days to pay day and Matthew had promised her that this month, they’d receive their salaries two days earlier because the signatories would be out of the country. He had also bragged about ensuring that the HR finally had the new software she needed to process the payroll.
Truly speaking, his words were of no concern to her, save for the fact that she would be getting her salary real soon. It also meant that she could deposit her chama contribution before the 6th day of the next month.
There was also the SGR package that she wanted to get to Mombasa courtesy of Bonfire Adventures for her upcoming leave.
Last week’s confrontation with Charles had earned her a meeting with the Director where she laid her cards bare. His calm demeanor as she expressed her dissatisfaction with Charles work had earned her the Director’s respect and inasmuch as he apologized, he ensured that Charles was assigned another project that would ensure they never butt heads in the office. She found it less of a compromise, but it was neither her company nor her venture capital and she settled for peace.
As she read Charles email requesting her presence at a pitch for a client, Diana could do nothing but roll her eyes. There was something sleazy and downright off about Charles. If there was someone that she could turn into chewing gum, it’d be him. Her parents had often told her to cool her wrath and though they were wiser, she could not cool it around Charles.
She called Michael and Helen who were just settling in and shared the email with them. None of them had any idea of what and to whom Charles was pitching that morning. She called the Creative desk for information and received a summary that was neither appealing nor sensible, but she knew that the Creatives were never good at conversation. They could sketch the gods or design a program that could take you to another dimension, but ten minutes in their company was enough to either make you dumb or insane.
Getting off her seat and walking to the lift, she felt as though Charles was picking a battle with her, but even then, she was not in a fighting mood. Her salary was coming soon and she wanted that holiday package!
“What are you smiling about?”
“Oh, hi Matthew, how are you today?”
“I am fine thank you, so are you getting in or not?”
“Oh, sorry, I just zoned out for a second, I’m definitely getting in.”
“You zoned out for more than a minute, I know that look, everyone has been saying hi to me or just smiling at me today, it’s pay week and people are nice.”
“So, are you suggesting that I am being nice to you because you are doing your job?”
“Eish! Am I being summoned to the Principal’s office? It was on a light note, and where are you off to? Si, I thought the second floor was off limits to your kind of people?”
“Ha ha! Funny! I just got an email from Charles, he wants me to attend some pitch meeting but I have no details.”
“Oh, Charles…the one whom you threatened and he ran to the Director?”
“Wait, does everyone in this company know that? Why are people so nosy?”
“They are not, oh, and I’m giving you a heads up. I am also going to be attending that meeting, but now we are on my floor.”
“Wait, I pressed two!”
“I know, but you were talking, besides, I have something to show you and we both know that our people rarely come down to your floor.”
“What is it with you and talk of ‘our people’ ‘your people’ did someone offend you this morning?”
“Enough, Diana, come sit down. I got you something.”
Diana sat down but her eyes were glued to the door. Matthew was a nice guy. He was intelligent, tall (not her kind of tall), great company and he had a warm smile. The kind of smile that grew on you.
She did not want things to get complicated and for once, she could not summon the courage to table her fears.
He took off his coat and then handed her a ticket. “What is this?”
“It’s a ticket to a play.”
“I can see that it is a ticket and to a play this Friday evening, so, why should I go?”
“You are not going to make this easy for me are you?”
“Make what easy?”
“I see. Well, here’s the deal, I would like you to accompany me this Friday evening, I’d like us to watch this play.”
“What if I have plans?”
“Do you have plans?”
“Not yet, but I might.”
“Diana, this is not a business transaction, would you come watch the play, besides, you could learn a thing or two that’ll help you.”
“Really? Like the Art place we visited last Saturday?”
“Something like that.”
She was going to turn him down but then she noticed that the shirt he was wearing was a nice shade of green.
“Matthew, are you wearing a mint shirt?”
“Excuse me?”
“Your shirt, the color, it’s mint?”
“No, it’s green.”
“Trust me Matthew, it’s mint!”
“Mint, like chewing gum, mint?”
“No! It’s mint, a nice shade of green. I like it.”
“Um…okay, yeah…sawa, thanks.”
She stood up and left, her heels digging into the carpet as she walked to the lift. His gaze lingered on her before he heard someone clear their throat. He turned and Zach was there, a grin on his face, “wewe kwisha!”
nilichoandika 