Oh, you who chose to stay when everyone including me, left.
pexels.com
How is it that you smile given what you’ve been through?
How is it that in your scars dwell more light than in mine?
How is it that you who has been shattered dare comfort me, without hurting me?
How?
You smile, oh, Beauty, and say…”I have been through it all, will still endure some more, but the one place I’ve learned to make habitable is my home. I carry my essence, my being, everywhere I go, so no matter what comes my way…I’m always home.”
I come to you like a field of never ending scent that assails your nostrils.
You wander to worlds beyond whenever you behold my countenance.
It’s how you utter these words, like they’re the air you breathe…
It’s how you utter gold and act like dust that astounds me.
One hails from the other, but it’s value is placed higher than that which it hails from.
pexels.com
I am Lavender, you say…
You want to soak me up, to relish in the presence I offer,
You want to devour me, as much as you can, for though I am Lavender,
I am the wind, I slip through your fingers even when you were unaware of my presence.
So, you churn these thoughts in your mind,
You say and do as you please,
You love and have as much as you can and flee,
Never staying long enough to receive the love you’d given.
It’s you that’s Lavender, it’s you that fills up a room with your scent and leave long before it fills up our nostrils.
It’s you that flees, a gentle breeze like the wind, a benign thought…a soul wandering the realms of this earth, unaware of how much love he’d get if only he stood still.
Years and years before the inception of the alphabet,
These people traveled the skies,
Soared on earth and relished worlds,
“How did they do this?” I asked.
“How did they know where to go without a map?”
“Oh…you silly child,” she said, “they knew because their souls knew where to turn left, right, where to catch a breath, where to lay down their heads and where to sprint.”
“How come?” I asked.
“Well, nowadays you have all these maps, all these signs leading you everywhere but nowhere. You are lost because you do not chart your own path…you strive to be like everyone else and what a sad life you lead…you take pictures to show strangers that you are happy, yet your own soul is unknown to you…all these maps…”
I came across this video on YouTube and clicked ‘play’ so fast you’d have thought my mind needed the fix.
Matt D’Avella shares his experiences, having gone through the journey of reading self-help books, living, working, stressing and yearning to improve the quality of his day-to-day life.
I love a video that goes straight into the topic and can I just add that those ad breaks always make me stop and open another tab to actually get some work done? This video doesn’t have that- and you can subscribe to watch many more of his videos.
So, he shares the following habits which I found quite interesting and I’ll tell you why, let me list them first:
1. Exercise.
2. Eat more veggies.
3. Read.
4. Drink water.
5. Stop buying stuff.
6. Meditate.
7. Build routines.
8. Passion project.
9. Declutter.
10. Journal.
11. Wake up early.
12. Quit social media
Would you say that the habits he shares are practical or can be easily applied to your daily life?
In my mind, I was like “Easy,” I mean- I have done these at some point and especially number two – seems like most of my life given that I do not eat red meat ( and for quite some time now, get an allergic reaction when I try eggs.)
Ever heard of the 5am club by Robin Sharma? I did that in 2018 and then my sleep cycle changed when I changed jobs.
I literally checked off everything including keeping a journal ( for I’ve been doing so since I was 12, and it’s got some great ideas for my writing).
You’d think I’ve got my life all together and truth is I don’t even know if together is anywhere near a description of my life. And I know where I missed the mark, it was in thinking that if I do any of these things once then that’s good- or by treating them like cold medication, and stopping when things seem fine.
I’d love to try being consistent and intentional with the first 11 habits for the next 30 days. I am currently working on success stories for the projects at work- and so, quitting social media would not be ideal at this point, especially when I’ve been put in charge of both Instagram and Facebook content development.
Let’s call this my October plan and see just how much I learn from the journey.
The Fountain Head by Ayn Rand. I find comfort in Howard Roark’s declaration:
2. Pumpkin Carving – what is your favourite creative outlet?
Writing.
3. Falling Leaves – changes that appear bad but you secretly love?
Attending parties. I love large gatherings in doses. When I say doses I mean, it takes me quite a while to get psyched into going out or simply hanging out with people at a large gathering, this sudden change from simply being in my own space to where lots of people expect my attention or are watching me, freaks me out-but I find myself transformed after a while.
4. Pumpkin Spiced Latte – something you love that others tend to judge
I’m with Sara on this one: Staying in. Oh, I’m like a cat, I can sleep for hours and it’s my favorite way of spending the weekend. Going by my response in number 3, let’s just say that I do my best to stay away from social gatherings.
5. Bonfire Night – what makes you explode with joy?
Pencils
6. Fright Night – favourite scary book or film
None. I am not a fan of scary books or films.
7. Halloween candy – favourite thing to eat
Chocolate cake
8. Scarves – your autumn ‘must have’ accessory
Travel mug fully loaded with hot coffee!
9. Fire – a book or film that burns your soul
I can’t mention just one.
10. Toffee apples – a book or film that seems one thing but really has a different inside
I’m not such a huge fan of films so this right here has me at odds and ends.
Since I jumped in on this tag, I’ll leave it open to all the Book Lovers who read my responses, feel free to tag me in your responses, who knows…we may indeed be birds of a feather.
You once asked me “would you keep a secret from me?”
I answered, “yes, I would…everyone reserves the right to hold back some things even from themselves, isn’t that why the unconscious mind seems to unravel mysteries or depths we never thought we had?”
You laughed but I could see the war waging inside of you because like me, you go from zero to one hundred in a flash. I never cared to know why or ease your mind.
I should have.
I came across a shirt…a piece of clothing I once borrowed from you because I love my shirts as baggy as they can be, and my jeans…well, I never knew I dropped two sizes until I got a pair of skinny jeans.
So, here I am, wearing this shirt…unraveling every conversation we ever had and smiling as I drink my second cup of tea tonight. You had me undone, while I was a mystery even unto myself, to you…I was a puzzle and could easily be solved.
So, here I am, wearing this shirt…unraveling every conversation we should have had and smiling as I drink my second cup of tea tonight. You had me. Now, a part of me holds onto the only piece that still remembers you like you are right here, and it is telling me that I am okay, that I am alright…that I cannot keep my hurt hidden.
So, here I am, Stardust, saying thank you because in this lifetime…I still can’t believe how come I never got you to drink coffee!
It goes something like this, “once upon a time, years before the gods made man, there lived a being unlike no other. Her heart was the sun and her smile the moon. She shone brighter than every light known to the gods and in her presence there was glory.”
I know of a tale.
It goes something like this, “once upon a time, when man thought it wise to take another, he left his home and went to another being of beauty. Every day that he spent away from his home, his beloved’s heart grew cold. It grew so cold that when he’d lost everything he had; he came back to find a fortress around his home. He called a passer by and asked “who built this wall here?”
The passer by looked at him and shook his head, “don’t you know what happened? Some foolish man left his home for another and this wall right here is what remains of his wife’s heart. The poor woman died of a broken heart.”
I know of a tale.
It goes something like this, “once upon a time…”
I know of one tale right now, being of beauty, shine as bright as you can, dim the fear and doubts that try to cloud your light by saying ‘you are not good enough.’
You are a galaxy, being of beauty, in you are eons of splendor, own it!
Have you ever experienced a missed opportunity and wondered how did it pass me by? Or, how did I miss that?
Lately, I find myself asking this of every person I encounter- and I know I get lost in my mind often, however, the past six days have been full of such moments where I pause to ask ‘what did I miss?’ every time I engage someone in a discussion.
My friend says it’s the INFJ in me, and sometimes she mentions it’s the Pisces in me, but I am more inclined to her saying that it’s the human in me. Bottom line- it’s frustrating me now because I am unable to focus on my writing- and haven’t read the book I really want to read.
Today was the highlight of my ‘what did I miss moments?’ because a colleague during discussion paused to ask me ‘how do you know what I am going to say before I even say it? And do you know that you really look at people in a way that can make them uncomfortable? Are you studying me…like right now?’
I did not answer any of her questions because unbeknownst to her, my mind was reeling with so many thoughts about my work and community meetings- going over every agenda I discussed and praying that I synchronized my notes using my new Violet Gel pen. My colleague did not press me for an answer and I hope she never will, for it’s dawning on me that I need a time out.
I need time to decompress or do what I always call ‘exhale’ and simply be me- in my own space. So, as I was scrolling through my Instagram feed, I came across something that made me pause:
I have been going above and beyond, pushing myself at work-striving to achieve so much that I slowly forgot to take little breaks, to compliment myself, note the little things that I did right along the way…and now, my mind’s overwhelmed and calling for a break, a much deserved break.
It’s my hope that by acknowledging this I would be in the frame of mind I feel I need to make it through every day and also not to judge myself harshly for missing social cues or snippets of energies from people I interact with.
Indeed, it’s the little things that make an impression, it’s just we often see the forest and applaud nature but forget to single out the trees.
Forget those lines up there and know that it knows how to keep the temperature right, a little bit of heat, a little bit of zing, a slow burn, or full on roast.
My love is like a flame, isn’t it odd that I am the one who gets consumed by it?
I was seated reading Tyrants and sipping coffee, my legs folded beneath me and as always, my heart a steady reminder of this proximity we have.
You draw me to your weakness, and I draw you to what you could never have.
I looked up at you, my eyes casting a quick glance at the cigarette between your fingers, the pack beside you on the window sill and smiled…you let out an easy laugh, and I smiled once more, “how do I do what?”
“How do you reign in silence?” you asked.
I put the book down, walked up to you and reached for that cigarette…gently placed it in the ash tray and sat beside you.
You smiled.
Did you know that when you smile, your left eye twinkles more than the right? It’s like a star finding it’s way home, releasing the light from within.
“How is it that every time I am with you, you ask me questions that require answers beyond my comprehension?”
“You make me sound like a Philosophy class!”
“And you…you make me feel like I am attending a soul-searching session, how about that?”
“Can I have my cigarette back please? You are giving me ideas and trust me, none of them, involve the distance you’ve carefully crafted between us.”
“You still feel miles away from me?”
“You, Love, are like light…you drive away the dark, you also unveil things that I prefer to be kept hidden away from not only you and the world but also from me and that scares me…it freaks me out that as tiny as you are, you can illuminate even the parts of me that I never wanted illuminated.”
“So, I am light…”
“Love, you are nothing but light, you are what stays true in both the dark and the light and if you only knew how powerful that is…you’d never hesitate to be mine.”
nilichoandika 